Today, a huge number of cool proverbs have appeared, derived from those that came before. The creativity and sophistication of current thinking, mixed with a thirst for humor, forces individual advanced thinkers to come up with more and more new methods of presenting the meaning of unshakable truths. And they are doing well. And the meaning is more global, and you can laugh. Let's look at some of the current variations of proverbs that are most widespread.
The further into the forest...
Who doesn’t know the ancient truth that the further you go into the forest, the more firewood there is? Of course, everyone. And moreover, since school. But some “thinkers” of our time fundamentally disagree with what may be hidden in the depths of the forest. So they come up with the following ideas that become popular among the people. Funny proverbs are basically the same jokes, but very short. So, options for what could be in the depths of the forest. The further into the forest, the:
- fatter partisans;
- more partisans;
- the partisans are more evil;
- it was more difficult to get out (there is a pun here - “into the forest” should be pronounced as “climbed”);
- got out further.
There are even some kind of paradoxes, such as this cool proverb: “The further into the forest, the more firewood, the more firewood, the less forest.”
No matter how much you feed the wolf...
The proverb that no matter how much you feed the wolf, he still glances towards the forest, trying to run away, also turned out to be quite meaningful. Here are some variations on this theme. No matter how much you feed the wolf, but:
- he still wants to eat;
- everything will die;
- he still looks (very interesting observation);
- the bear still has more.
Most interesting is the interpretation regarding the guests. This is truly a masterpiece of a funny proverb: “No matter how much you feed a guest, he will still get drunk.” Just the crown of someone's observation.
Jokes about work
Modern proverbs and sayings are also full of variations on the theme: “Work is not a wolf - it will not run away into the forest.” Here are the four leaders from this “niche”. Work is not a wolf:
- and the product of force by distance (this obviously could not have happened without scientific minds);
- No matter how much you feed, you still have to get up;
- she’s a woodpecker, she won’t run away, she’ll get so bored;
- You can’t run away from her into the forest.
There are other variations regarding the work. For example, modern proverbs about work include the following: “If you do the job, it’s easier for the mare,” composed of “pure” parts of two Russian proverbs at once: “If you do the job, walk boldly” and “A woman with a cart, it’s easier for the mare.” Although both of these have a huge number of their own interpretations, which we’ll talk about below.
The main and most topical proverb about work today is someone’s masterpiece: “You can’t earn all the money, you’ll have to steal some.” Almost all modern officials are guided by it today. Ordinary citizens make do with the proverb: “I can’t stand while others are plowing. I’ll go and lie down...” In general, the entire global meaning and truth are contained in the following innovative proverb about work: “No matter how much you work, there will always be a bastard who, working less, gets more.”
Did the job...
The mass of “remakes” are also dissatisfied with the way the indisputable truth “If you’ve done the job, go for a walk” sounds. Hence the huge number of cool proverbs with the same saying. So, I did the job:
- wash your body;
- wash up after yourself;
- get off your body.
Grandma with a cart...
Now about the woman on the cart, who always serves as a hindrance, both to the horse and to the man who sits behind the reins. Here the people have “twisted” the following truths, which are also not without meaning. Baba with a cart:
- will have to return;
- if it flies out, you won’t catch it (paired with the proverb “the word is not a sparrow, if it flies out, you won’t catch it”);
- the mare is aware;
- an hour of fun (paired with the proverb “time for business is an hour for fun”);
- mare less;
- and the wolves are well-fed (paired with the saying “and the wolves are well-fed, and the sheep are safe”).
One head...
One head it's good, but two better. Excellent statement. Only at the time when it was invented, there was no mutation or radiation. Today's people have really noticed that “one head is good, but two is a mutation.” Here are other interpretations of the known truth. One head is good, but:
- with the body - better;
- with brains - better;
- two - not so beautiful.
I came, I saw...
Modern people also disagree with the famous statement of Julius Caesar: Veni, vidi, vici, that is, translated into Russian, “I came, I saw, I conquered.” No one has any doubts about “I came, I saw”. But with the word “won” there is a problem. According to many, there must be something different there. I came and saw:
- divided;
- whitewashed;
- yelled;
- move away and let others have a look;
- and left.
More relevant and topical, of course, is “I came, I saw and I filmed.” This is what everyone does now who has a smartphone. And, as you know, everyone has it with them these days.
It's good there…
Everyone to this day suspects that “it’s good where we are not.” As it turns out, this is far from the case. If you believe some people, it turns out that:
- It’s only good where we haven’t been yet.
- It’s good where it’s good, and not where we are not.
- It's good where it's not here.
He laughs well...
There are so many funny proverbs on this topic that it’s impossible to count them all. Let's select the most advanced thoughts on this matter. So, the one who laughs well is:
- runs fast;
- laughs like a horse;
- shoots first.
A rolling stone gathers no moss…
Nobody doubts this. The proverb is almost always repeated in unchanged form. But for some reason many people like to explain it. Let's see what the powerful minds of this world want to tell us. A rolling stone gathers no moss:
- and under the standing one too;
- but under the rolling one he doesn’t have time;
- but there is no such thing as a walker;
- and a man can’t climb in without a shovel.
Other “masterpieces” of popular thought
- Fight and search, find and hide...
- A fast horse will quickly become empty.
- The debt is paid naked.
- Friends are known through food.
- If you chase two hares, you'll fire a gun.
- The one who got up first gets the slippers.
- Milk is doubly funnier if after cucumbers.
- Called yourself a milk mushroom - show your documents.
- Called yourself a milk mushroom - go to a mental hospital.
- Don't dig a hole for someone else, let him dig it himself.
- Don't stick your contribution into someone else's business.
- Russian tanks are not as scary as their drunken crews.
- Not caught - not a conscript.
- The fish from the pond will die from labor.
- While the fat one dries, the thin one will die.
- Pioneer - fitting for all the boys.
- After the wedding they don't wave their fists.
- Drinking is a fight, and fighting is a girl.
- One born to crawl does not crap from above.
- Fisherman hate fisherman for sure.
- Whoever you go with, that's how you want it.
- Your Natasha is closer to the body.
- Drink seven times - pour out once.
- Fairy tales are lies. Positive on them.
- won't remember the furrow.
- A well-fed horseman is not on foot.
- The wife has legs, and the husband has horns.
- Eggs don't bother a good Faberge.
- Good breasts are visible from the back.
- The larger the cabinet, the louder it will fall.
- What a sober person has in mind, a drunk person has already done.
- What you dare, you will reap.
- A screw driven in with a hammer holds tighter than a nail tightened with a screwdriver.
- The tongue will lead to a killer.
On this joyful note we end this material. All the best to you and good mood!
Modern funny proverbs and sayings
Modern folklore - funny proverbs and sayings, such as jokes - jokes.
Modern adaptations of old proverbs or new sayings that may eventually become popular.
A
If you're afraid of asphalt, don't walk at all.
Alcohol is harmful in small quantities.
You can't drink alcohol!
B
A woman with a cart - the wolves are full.
A woman with a cart - an hour of fun.
A woman with a cart - a smaller mare.
Take care of him like your apple!
They are envious of other people's belongings.
Do not give a knife to a rabid child.
Without difficulty, you won’t spoil the porridge with oil.
Without difficulty, you won’t be able to pull it out.
Only the second mouse gets free cheese...
Take care of your honor from a young age, if your face is crooked.
Take care of your honor from a young age - you will love a goat too!
For a large ship - a large torpedo.
Big ship - Eleven Oscars...
Fight and search - find and hide.
The rich man is rich in money, And Petrosyan is funny.
There is no such thing as too many bottles of champagne.
IN
At 45, the woman allegedly again.
Have you picked up the tug? He screwed up and ran away.
It's hard to make history, but it's easy to get into trouble.
Suddenly the champagne runs out.
After all, we can when it’s not necessary!
There is a genius sleeping within each of us. And every day it gets stronger.
Pick up the tug, don’t forget to take a shower.
Grab your chest and say something.
I grabbed my ass - don't say you're not happy.
Seeing us is a pleasure, but not seeing us is another.
A healthy FRIEND is in a healthy BODY.
Whatever you fall in love with, kiss it.
He who steals apples doesn't fall far from the tree.
Vodka, vodka, cucumber - so the little man got drunk.
Time heals, but money heals faster.
Everything is good that swings well.
Everything happened by accident, although it was planned that way.
Everything ingenious is a sheet.
Everything is going well, just passing by...
They greet you by their clothes and see you off in the morning.
They greet you by their clothes and hit you on the muzzle.
Survived yourself - survive the other.
G
Where there is a woman, there is a market; where there are two, there is a market.
The main thing, guys, is not to grow old with pepper.
The eyes are afraid, and the hands are dirty.
Your eyes are afraid - don't look at the price tag.
Stupid people get married, smart people get married.
The mud was not grease, it dried up and fell.
Naked in invention is cunning.
A goose is no problem for a pig.
D
Yes, there is still gunpowder in the flasks and berries in the buttocks.
In a donated apartment they don’t look into the bathroom.
Children's rakes hit harder.
Money is not a luxury, but a means of drinking.
We'll bend it during the day and light it up at night.
The debt is paid naked.
Friends are known through food.
The day was not wasted.
It's time - sweat now.
For a good cat, March is also in February.
We'll live until the wedding.
Let's catch up and overtake, get it and stop!
Fedot thought it was getting dark, but the hood was opening
E
He won't be cuter when he's gone.
There are also balls in bloomers.
If you're arguing with an idiot, he's probably doing the same thing.
If you have nothing better to do, then don't do it here!
If a woman calls you a bastard, then you did everything right.
If there are warm starry nights at the end of May, give birth in February.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
If you didn’t get married before the age of 20, then it’s too early.
There is only a moment between the past and the future. This is what is called life.
If you don’t come to your senses in time, you’ll soon have to grab your head.
If you give it to everyone, the bed will break
If you are happy for more than one day, it means they are hiding something from you.
If you don't succeed the first time, skydiving is not for you...
The hedgehog is a proud bird - if you don't kick it, it won't fly.
AND
Greed is the sister of talent.
Live in the wilderness, and write letters to us.
A woman is the same as a man, only better...
Women can do everything, only some are shy.
Wives give birth to children for us, mistresses - from us.
Life is a fatal sexually transmitted disease...
Life is what it is and nothing more. What's it like?
Life is a hard thing, no one has ever endured it.
Life goes away so quickly, as if it is not interested in us...
Life, of course, has not gone well, but otherwise everything is fine.
Z
Be content with just legal money.
Ending the harassment with an apology can offend any woman
If you chase one hare, you won’t catch two.
If you chase two birds with one stone, the trolleybus will leave without a conductor.
Don't look down the barrel of a loaded tank
By fooling your brains, you can save on noodles.
Land - to the peasants, crosses - to the earthlings.
A girl's golden rule: if you don't know what to say, smile and adjust your bra.
AND
The turkey also thought he was swimming until the water boiled.
TO
Each vegetable has its own fruit.
Everyone earns according to their depravity.
To each creature - a chara!
Each person is right in his own way, but in my opinion, he is wrong.
Everyone is mistaken to the best of his ability.
Every man has right to left.
What Russian doesn’t like it fast, a lot and for free.
What Russian doesn't like wet...driving?!!
No matter how you spin it, well... in the back.
There are so many good girls, but somehow they are attracted to the bad ones.
You can't stop living beautifully. But you can interfere...
The guts are thin and our tanks are fast
The one who got up first gets the slippers.
Those who are rich are welcome.
The last one enters.
The last one is the dad!
Anyone who doesn't work is broken.
Whoever comes to us with a sword will receive it in a plowshare.
Whoever remembers the old will become a Cyclops.
Anyone stuck in traffic jams doesn’t laugh at a moped.
Those who get up early get others.
Whoever comes to us with what, comes from this and that.
When you decide to shake the old one, make sure it doesn’t fall off!!!
Besides other people's troubles, there are other joys in life.
Lyokha was cool, but they threw him away like a sucker.
Those who get up early live far from work.
He who does not take risks does not lie in a cast.
When you say what you mean, mean what you say!
When the mermaid does the splits...
When there is little time, there is no time for friendship, only love.
A crutch is not a luxury, but a means of transportation.
The amount of unwashed dishes is a constant quantity, limited by the height of the tap.
L
The stench comes out of the skin.
Laziness is subconscious wisdom.
Better late than no one.
Only mountaineers can be better than mountains.
It’s better not a hundred times at all than a hundred times at once.
Lie down, big and small girl.
Better with a sweetheart in a hut than with a shovel in a dugout.
Better a bird in your hands than in some other place.
It’s better to work in Honduras than to work in Honduras in Kolyma.
Better a bird in your hands than a duck under the bed.
Better a tit in the hands than a woodpecker in the ass
It's better to be covered in sweat seven times than frost once!
Better a pie in the sky than a woodpecker in the ass.
It's better to be the first Maya than the eighth Martha!..
Better with Petrov in Mallorca than with a major in Petrovka
It's better to oversleep than to undereat.
It's better to give birth once than to shave every day...
It's better to touch it once than to see it a hundred times.
It is better to make love with love than to make love with difficulty
All cavities are submissive to love.
If you love to ride, love and ride.
If you love to ride, you also love to carry females!
All planes are submissive to love.
Any skirt looks best on the back of a chair.
***
It would be good for a person to examine himself, how much he is worth to his friends, and to try to be as valuable as possible.
***
If you don’t put it in, don’t look for it, and if you put it in, don’t demand it.
***
To avoid people putting a spoke in your wheels, don’t tell anyone that you have wheels.
***
I love it like a bug in a corner: wherever I see it, I’ll crush it!
***
Two steps left, two steps right? Such hesitation, we know, is not healthy.
***
***
A woman with a cart - a man from happiness to coma!
***
If you look for a “hot” woman for a long time, then by the time you find her, you yourself can become “cold”.
***
Everyone knows the saying “hunger is not your aunt,” but not everyone knows how it sounds in full: “hunger is not your aunt, but your own mother”)))))
***
The less you know, the better you sleep... in the same bed with people who lie to you every day.
***
How many men, overwhelmed by their bust, marry everything else!!!
***
In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
***
As it comes back, so will it respond... and if it responds, it won’t seem a little))))
***
***
Among those standing, do not sit; among those sitting, do not stand; among those laughing, do not weep; and do not laugh among those who weep.
***
It is not out of frugality that a woman lights 20 candles for her 30th birthday.
***
The lascivious mother-in-law doesn’t believe her daughter-in-law either.
***
Don't dig a hole for someone else until you receive an advance.
***
That’s what people say naturally, it’s not shameful. But what is visible is not always good...)))
***
How many times have they told the world: if you want to shit, run to the toilet!
***
The dishwasher is the engine of feminism!
***
A cook hides mistakes with sauce, a doctor with soil, and an architect with a façade.
***
How many Fridays can you really have in a week?
***
Trouble is an adventure misunderstood.
***
Not everything that sticks out of the water is a swan.
***
It is very difficult to find dark thoughts in a bright head, especially if they are carefully hidden...
***
Quickly legalized love leads to divorce.
***
If you drank well, it means it’s bad in the morning! If it’s good in the morning, it means you drank badly!
***
Patience and work will get you through to the lunch break.
***
If a child is found in a cabbage, he will be rich, if a stork brought him, he will be a pilot, and if you bought it in a store, ask for a warranty card.
***
Proven saying: - Smoking causes a trolleybus.
***
***
A Japanese proverb says:... a good husband is always healthy and never at home...
***
We always have a second to ruin everything. ?? It won't take forever to fix everything.
***
Having burned ourselves with mulled wine, we blow on the vodka.
***
***
There are many fools in the world: you can’t count them all and you can’t retrain them all.
***
All life is war, all bullets are fools.
***
If you bring a girl to sin, you will bring her to orgasm.
***
You can teach a pig to be clean, but I’m afraid you’ll wear yourself out.
***
Many diseases - one healing: joy, love, good nature and singing!
***
God created man and rested, but He created woman - and everyone lost their peace.
***
... Don’t hit the woman with a hammer... the woman will be flat...
***
“Until you kill a hundred, you won’t become a good doctor.”
***
What fell was... tired...
***
I am white and fluffy... True, there are thorns under the white fluff...))) Therefore, appearance is deceptive... You can’t delude yourself...
***
If you find it better, you’ll forget; if you find it worse, you’ll remember...
Cool sayings statuses phrases proverbs
***
If a piece doesn’t fit into your throat, try swallowing the previous one.
***
It would be impossible to get into neutral between the first and second)
***
One head is good, but one leg is bad)))
***
Russian linguists have established where the saying “some go to the forest, some get firewood” came from: some were sent with three letters, and others with five...
***
The purest joy is the schadenfreude we feel when watching the misfortunes of those we envy.
***
To bend over from desires forever means not to wake up.
***
Fear has big eyes (proverb) Fear has big eyes, and his wife has what he once saw for the first time...)
***
Is there much use in helping the wolf?
***
Can you put a scarf over each mouth? Yes, even a tent is not enough for another mouth!
***
Great is he who conquers cities, but truly great is he who conquers himself.
***
He who is not happy with the little things will not be happy with the big things.
***
You can't spoil porridge with oil, but only as long as there is more porridge than butter.
***
The easiest job is to make someone else work.
***
Don't be soft - you won't be eaten.
***
So you think the problem is that the right person is not nearby...
Remember the saying - “no person, no problem.” And if a problem exists, then such a person EXISTS!
***
The one who hasn't died still has a chance.
***
“They know what they are saying” and “they say they know” are not the same thing.
***
The truth of the saying “Too much is good is also bad” can be most clearly and intelligibly demonstrated with the help of ordinary vodka.
***
It is not a fact that a fly in the ointment will necessarily spoil the barrel of honey. It might add some uniqueness...
***
The most dangerous obstacle to love is the absence of any obstacles.
***
A holy place is never empty. It becomes empty when it ceases to be holy.
***
A friend's happiness is not a joy? You know, you hide something nasty in your heart.
***
Fear autumn - winter will follow; don't be afraid of winter - spring is behind it
***
God won't throw anything down the chimney - earn it yourself.
***
If at 30 you haven’t made any sense, and there won’t be... If at 40, you haven’t made money, and there won’t be... If at 50, there’s no happiness, and there won’t be...
***
From now on, grandma will teach you, don’t marry your grandson.
***
All day without the Internet... You wouldn’t wish this on your enemy!
***
If you get along with a bee, you'll get honey; if you get along with a beetle, you'll end up in manure.
***
Only jesters speak seriously.
***
A shoemaker without boots can only be interrupted by the wife of a jeweler without a ring.
***
A bear is not a dog's pleaser, a pig in a garden is not a gardener, and a wolf is not a shepherd for sheep; a bad judge is someone who is stupid or deaf.
***
The world will disappear not because there are many people, but because there are many non-humans.
***
God loves the Poor, but helps the Rich...
***
The Savior has arrived - prepare a swimsuit in reserve.
***
Are troubles looming for the country? It's time to switch to "we"!
***
The flame will not penetrate under the lying stone.
***
You can't cook pilaf in someone else's pot
***
Three “many” and three “little” ruin a person: talking a lot and knowing little, imagining a lot and costing little, spending a lot and having little.
Cool sayings statuses phrases proverbs
***
“A bad parent is one who cannot support his children... until they retire”))
***
Unfortunately, the saying: the sooner you start, the sooner you finish does not apply to everything.
***
The older you are, the smaller the skirt.
***
The Americans were the most successful in giving their dinner to the enemy - they gave us McDonald's...
***
Without fish, and the ass is a nightingale.
***
The women repent. The girls are getting married.
***
When youth laughs, old age thinks.
***
Between the first and second there is a break for divorce.
***
If the mountain does not go to Mohammed, it means the hookah is missing somewhere!!!
***
Whoever remembers something old twice doesn’t need glasses...
***
The memory of lives is behind us - deja vu is visible through the eyes.
***
Life is very good if the soul is young.
***
Rus', nobility, is a generous soul. She is milked slowly.
***
Joy and sorrow are a vital field.
***
A bird sings and knows no grief, but a man wastes his life.
***
He who endures achieves his goal
***
A donkey remains a donkey, even if it carries the Sultan's treasury.
***
I can't work - according to my horoscope, I'm a horse!
***
A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows public opinion.
***
If you make a molehill out of a molehill, it will be easier to catch, but harder to kill.
Cool sayings statuses phrases proverbs
***
Until the age of five, treat your son like a king, from five to fifteen - like a servant, after fifteen - like a friend.
***
Jealousy is a big swamp: easy to get into, but difficult to get out.
***
It is not the one WHO HAS little who is poor, but the one WHO HAS little.
***
God needs good people too.
***
Road chopsticks for lunch.
***
One in the field is not a warrior - there is no one to fight with.
***
Keep the child in your soul - life is joy, not a race!
***
The mind is talkative, but the heart is sensitive - even the baby knows this.
***
“The bigger the car, the shorter the penis”... The grief of the limousine driver is impressive.
***
Life is easy and simple only when it is pure.
***
Why when love begins, they say: love is a carrot! And when it passes, they say - Love has passed, have the tomatoes wilted? What is the connection between tomatoes and carrots?
***
Surely, a mermaid with large breasts lives in a quiet pool, otherwise there would be no devils there!
***
We do not take bribes, but gratitude is acceptable!
***
Hell is scary. It's boring in heaven. It's fun on earth...
***
Arrogance is not nobility, stupid speech is not a proverb.
***
Try to translate the expression into a foreign language: “Well, put on a damn hat, otherwise you’ll catch a cold in your ears.”
***
Two young hussars are walking, and Lieutenant Rzhevsky meets them:
- Lieutenant! How are you doing? What's new?
- Soon, fucking, to the ball.
This is how the famous Russian proverb “From the ship to the ball” was born.
***
When I eat, I am deaf and dumb. When I'm drunk, I'm Jackie Chan.
***
Humble as a lamb; business like a bee; as red as a bird of paradise; It is true that the turtle dove.
Cool sayings statuses phrases proverbs
***
Men's proverb “Love comes and goes, but you always want to eat”
In a feminine way it sounds like “Husbands come and go, but everything in the house is mine.”
***
Everyone is needed in their place - but not everyone is in their place.
***
Even adults, just like children, put “likes” on the Internet.
***
They say: “Where are you running ahead of the locomotive?” Why fly ahead of a steam locomotive when you can fly ahead of an airplane.)))
***
The wife is not a relative!
***
The saying: “Tell me who your friend is and I will tell you who you are,” is easy to challenge by answering; look at Judas - all his friends were blameless.
***
They say, “It’s better to regret what you’ve done than what you haven’t done.” But it’s better to never regret anything at all. After all, everything in this life is for the better.
***
Always treat people the way you want them to treat you...
***
The sea is for sailors, fish is for fishermen, and the euro is for Jews...
***
Those who are absent have the most disadvantages.
***
There is a saying: “God gives us only as much as we can handle!” Sometimes I sit and think: “Well, I don’t know how much I can stand!”
***
If you just suffer, you can quickly get into trouble.
***
A spoon is expensive for lunch, unless it's noodles for lunch.
***
Debts are not paid with tears.
***
Sad anniversary - the electrician turned 220...
***
As a child, Petya was often told: “Don’t whistle - there won’t be any money.” And when Petya grew up, he became a deputy and whistled so much from the budget that he stopped believing in omens.
***
Thousands of thoughts around? Take the light ones, my friend!
***
Grant to us, God, that everything may be good, and what is not good, do not give to us, God!
***
TIME is gold, but no amount of gold is enough for you to buy time...
***
People think that time flows. And time thinks that people pass.
***
The six duties of a wife: in work - a servant, in conversation - a sage, in beauty - Lakshmi, in steadfastness - like the Earth, in caring - a mother, in bed - a harlot. (Indian proverb)
***
The man who was able to move a mountain started by dragging small stones from place to place.
Cool sayings statuses phrases proverbs
Funny sayings, laughing phrases, pens- another selection of words, sayings and simple phrases, most of which I think many have heard, but now it’s time to repeat them :)
Cool phrases, pens, sayings:
Even the most beautiful legs grow from the ass.“After every seventh bottle you get a cap!”
New from Wrigley""s: nothing chews like snot!
Nescafe coffee is made from beans carefully selected from blacks!
Magnificent 100% tea! With even more tea content!
I'll shoot an angle in a love triangle. A big ship has a big torpedo.
Not everything is the sun that rises
The devil is not as scary as his little one
Domestic trains are the busiest trains in the world!
If your head hurts, it means you have it.
They don’t go to a nunnery with their own rules
Sex without a girl is a sign of foolishness
Eggs discipline the chicken
The crew says goodbye to you, have a nice flight
We wish you happiness, health and creative Uzbeks
The Ukrainian night is quiet, but the lard must be hidden
The chemistry of blondes gave us
Faith can move mountains, she's a great woman
Vodka "Buratino" - feel like firewood
It’s better to make money in Ganduras than to make money in Kalyma
Who gets up first gets the tanks
If you make money, you will live without need
For free - behind the barn
Don't whistle - there won't be any girls
The stupid penguin timidly hides it, the smart one boldly takes it out
Men get married, women take heart
Find and hide
Don't talk nonsense
After what the government has done to our people, it must marry them
A man is not a dog - he does not throw himself at a bone
Vles, yes, up to the buttocks!
The man flew first, and the woman flew first!
He who laughs last
Are you ashamed to eat?!
Smile! The boss loves idiots
Born to crawl cannot fall
Stand up for oneself; lie down for others
Whatever the child enjoys, as long as it doesn’t poop
"Excuse me, have you ever starred in cartoons?"
I'm waving to make noise, it's not for you to play around with a joystick
Bill is not as good as his Clinton
No matter how much you feed the wolf, the elephant will still have more
Don't stick your face in, otherwise you'll get punched in the face
With what I gave birth to you, with what I will kill you
The Chukchi played blind man's buff and got lost
What does this mean: The girl is nowhere??
American planes and Russian missiles are simply made for each other!!!
Take care of your honor from a young age, if your face is crooked
If you are quieter you will stay longer
Vanka, stand up
The roof claps its hands - the marijuana was good!
I'm leaving forever, goodbye Your roof
Do you hate seeing bacteria on the toilet rim every day?
So to catch up:
The end is the crown of the bodyAnd the zombies here are quiet
Every man has the right to the left
A small fish is better than a big cockroach
Beer in the morning is not only harmful, but also beneficial
A woman loves with her ears, and with both
I don't sleep for days and with chickens too
It's good to be a lieutenant colonel and a lieutenant too
A chicken's eggs don't fall far
Happy people don't wear panties
Friends become acquainted with food
The fewer girls we love, the more time we have to sleep
There are worms in still waters
And the smoke of smoked meats is sweet and pleasant to us
Fly with hello, come back smart
I upholster doors with customer's leather
Boys and girls - master each other
I'm never on you
Happiness exists, it cannot but exist
I love you life, but you love me again and again
Don't get distracted by loving
The thicker our muzzles, the closer our ranks
With the intoxication that comes over you
Not according to Juan Sambrero
Taking this opportunity, I want
One day in the chilly winter I look - it rises slowly
Marital duty - performed for the first time
Boast about profits, but beware of losses
An old friend is better than two friends
The further you got in, the closer you got out
Eh, the good fellows have not yet sung in Rus'
Drink seven times, eat once
Pay without breaking the bank - then enjoy
"Cash in" - Nobel Prize
I recognize my sweetheart by his tights
What you want is what you ask for
Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten
The main thing, guys, is not to overload with pepper.
One head is good, but the whole body is better
You thought it was hard, you thought I was weak
And happiness was so possible, and so possible, and so
Everything ingenious is a sheet
Take up the buzz - don’t forget to take a shower
I loved you the trees bent
The fighter is lying down - he couldn’t cope with the attack
Done the job - wash the body
Fight and search
By day with fire, by night we'll light it up
It's never a good morning
"Russian vodka" - don't let yourself dry out
What a woman likes, a man cannot afford
Because it’s impossible Because it’s impossible to be so massive in the world
And the woman calmed down like a storm
Don't teach your father and that's it!
I came, I saw, I whitewashed
"Peonerka - all the guys have a fitting!!!"
The more a woman we are, the more she is less of us
Grab your chest - say something!
A drop of nicotine kills a horse. A hamster is torn to pieces!
Marital debt is paid off!
And the forest is so mysterious, and the tears are so thoughtful
And the mirror is hungover again in the morning!
Don't spit in the well, you won't catch it when it flies out
I don’t drink and I don’t put it in my mouth. I used to.
People!!! Time to dump Hershi!!!
So Klava ran away and my comrade fell!!!
Appeal to girls of easy virtue: "Hello rags, how's life
sexual?!"
All night he climbed slowly up the mountain, and in the morning he woke up again with
marigold
Are you waiting for a cock to be fried on the mountain three times doggy style?
cross himself?!
Petya goes to a rally, and Mitya goes to petting
With soap, heaven in the hut!
I dictate in CAPITAL letters
If you're afraid of teeth, don't put it in your mouth
If you want big and pure love, wash it from the elephant
I can’t stand my ground - it hurts a lot
A skinny cow is not yet a gazelle
Don't beat the pager below
Seven kids of one
Every pipette dreams of becoming an enema
Russians don't marry after the first one
Not everyone gets what’s promised
In a healthy body, healthy fart
Sip seven times, piss once
Vodka without beer is money down the drain
The autopilot will take you to Kyiv
"Let's hit the pangs of conscience with a sound sleep!"
Whoever you hang out with will be the reason you get pregnant
Thank you, you won’t put me in bed
From a quote from BN Yeltsin The government needs a new push
When a man feels bad he looks for a woman, when a man feels good he looks for
one more
About the Yadren BOSH washing machine
You didn't close your legs all night
“Maybe you should also have the key to the apartment where the girls are?”
Killed a beaver, saved a tree
Chukchi in TSUM waiting for dawn
In order for a cow to give more milk and eat less, she needs to be milked more.
and feed less
Changing an electric turntable to an electric winner
On the lack of fish and the ass of a nightingale
I loved you and that's it And that's enough
Fresh food, but hard to get gray
Let me notice you (FBI)
Dear Almaty residents and Almaty residents
Every ugliness has its decency
I'll walk the dog, the car, the house and the dacha
Darling, if it weren't for you, we would be a perfect couple
Vasilisa the Beautiful married Ivanushka the Fool and became Vasilisa the Fool
A working day is 8 hours erased from life.
The police most often end up in the police force
Only a shooting coach can argue with a wrestling coach.
Stealth invisible gun rushed past with a roar
The last one is the dad
Let me light a cigarette, Otherwise I want to drink so much that I have no one to sleep with
When time is short, there is no time for friendship, only love!
Women can do everything, only some are shy!
Don't have a hundred friends, but have their girlfriends!
MaX Factor-cosmetics for professional women!!!
And she does impeachment so well
And among the Indians all the girls are red
Women are fools not because they are women, but because they are fools
Shirtless - closer to the body
Drop it or you'll drop it
I quickly and effectively introduce the customer’s materials into a state of binge drinking
There are no bad dancers in harems
It's good to be a guest, but it's inconvenient to be in the elevator
They don’t go to a nunnery with their tired ones.
Your life is not worth a penny, and neither are your eggs.
You can't ruin a bribe with sex
You can see the bird by its droppings
Winnie the Pooh is hungry
Vodka TITANIC one bottle and you're at the bottom!
Here's half a kingdom and half a horse for you
All diseases are from nerves, only syphilis is from pleasure
All is well that swings well
Calling an alcoholic interlocutor to your home
I'll go out into the open field and do my dirty work
Don't beat the pager above
Sleep, my joy, sleep! The lights have gone out in the morgue, the corpses lie on the shelves,
flies are circling over them! Sleep, my joy, sleep if you don’t want complications!
Diagnosis: acute intellectual disability
Eat a beaver, save a tree
Hello, I'm the SMS virus and I'll enter your brain right now, sorry,
I'm leaving, I can't find any brains
Nothing will decorate your holiday table like a firecracker in an Olivier salad.
Omnipresent - a person who has urinary incontinence!
Imagine WHAT THEY see every day?
Collect Maggu cube wrappers and win free ulcer treatment!
"Immodium" will quickly and effectively get rid of "Danissimo"!
Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeestork stork
*We started the renovation in the “high-tech” style, continued in the “let it be” style, and finished in the “to hell with it” style.
*We wanted to go on vacation, calculated our finances, and decided that we weren’t tired.
*While the father was installing the New Year tree, the son’s vocabulary was significantly enriched.
*An Estonian is asked what is better, sex or New Year, he answers - sex is better, of course, but New Year is more common.
*Before, the whole country laughed at Vovochka, but now Vovochka has grown up, become the PRESIDENT and is laughing at the whole country.
*Of all the seven-flowered flowers, the main thing is not to choose the fucking buttercup.
*I'm looking for a strong man. About myself - “10 hectares of vegetable garden”
*Unhappiness is when a prostitute gets a headache when she sees you.
*Let the devil fly across the sky, sweep away the dust from the moon with his tail, the cat licks the old woman’s heels, carols are sung in the yard, don’t be scared in the meantime, you’re not crazy about vodka, it’s just witchcraft, Christmas is coming.
*In our village we have neither “Contacts” nor “Odnoklassniki”, but we do have haylofts for contacts with classmates.
*Everything was fine until yesterday my wife noticed that my neighbor was washing the landing with my panties!
*An elderly man asks the nurse: “When will I be discharged?” - “When the cardiogram straightens!”
*There is never too much money, there is either little of it or none at all.
*Well, does the cow give milk? - Yes, 20 liters - And what do you do with it? - What. that we keep 10 liters for ourselves and sell 15.
*Eyes are afraid, hands are shaking - no one does anything!
*Faina Ranevskaya was once asked why she doesn’t do plastic surgery... The answer was brilliant: “There’s no point in doing a façade if the sewer system is old anyway...”
*Russian woman is strong and powerful!!! In an instant, the dung heap flies away, he makes porridge, he cleans up the mess... and if he makes a thump, he will stuff his snout.
*Husband to wife: — “Why do you watch cooking programs on TV? You don’t know how to cook.” Wife with a grin: “Well, you watch porn too.”
*Two fishermen meet. One to another: “Yesterday I was sitting on the shore, I caught a goldfish, it said: “Let me go, I will fulfill any of your wishes.” I thought and thought, everything seemed to be there, and I asked her - make sure that my wife and I cum at the same time! - “And what happened next?” - “What, what, while I was sitting fishing, I came three times!!!
*Inscription on the back of the biker - If you are reading this inscription, it means my woman fell off her motorcycle.
*Wife writes to her husband an SMS “Eggs 3d”, Husband: “Where should I go to the market or to the cinema”
* The milkmaid came to work completely drunk, the cow asked: “Why did your husband torture you and because of this you got so drunk that you can’t stand on your feet?” The milkmaid responds: “Uh-huh” and falls off. Cow: “Okay, hold on to your tits, I’ll jump.”
*A man in a thick sheepskin coat enters the crowded bus. The girl is indignant. - “Man, take off your sheepskin coat, there will be a place to stand!” - “I can take off my trousers - I’ll have something to hold on to.”
*The miracle of Russian intimacy And Valentin never dreamed of it! Forest, snowdrifts, hayloft, roof, bench, basement! Russian sex for those who dare! Valentin would be stunned.
*The wife shows off in front of the mirror and says to her husband: - “I visited the doctor today and he said that I have breasts like a twenty-year-old girl...” - “Oh, he didn’t say anything about a fifty-year-old ass???” - “No... He didn’t ask about you...”
*Greasy mug covered in lipstick... Covered in hearts... Tie in the back... No laces... In one sock... A balloon burst in his hand... Chocolate... A can of beer... And - terribly happy! Sings: “La-la-la” You know, fun things to do! -What were you celebrating, bastard? - Valentine's Day!
*- It’s a pity that I didn’t listen to my parents as a child. - What did they say? - I don’t know, I didn’t listen.
*Market. Buyer to seller: - What is your cost per kilo of potatoes? — The cost is a trade secret, but your cost is 60 rubles per kilo.
*A man was making moonshine in a barn, went to the well for water, came back, and there were cops in the barn. They tell him: “We’re making moonshine.” Write an explanatory note! - What should I write? - Write it as it is. Wrote. They read: “I see smoke coming from the barn. I think it's a fire. I take two buckets of water and go to extinguish it. I come, and there are two cops brewing moonshine.”
*A woman lies on the asphalt, a man passes by - “Are you lying down like a dog?” - “I took a parking space, now my husband will drive up.”
*March 8, morning. I get up and go to the bathroom. Suddenly a cry: “Well, the goat lay down back, I’ll bring coffee right now!”
*A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes (30 minutes! Wow!) 2. Catfish have more than 27,000 taste buds (Why? What's so tasty at the bottom?) 3. A cockroach lives without a head for 9 days. after which he dies of hunger. (And I keep thinking about the pig!) 4. A flea can jump a distance of 350 times its body length. It’s the same as a person jumping over a football field. (30 minutes...blah...lucky pig...) 5. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump (And thank God!) 6. Some lions have sex more than 50 times a day (Pigs are still funnier!) 7. Cat urine glows under ultraviolet light (I wonder who got paid to figure this out?) 8. An ostrich's eye is larger than its brain. (I even know a few of these people..) 9. A starfish has no brain at all. (I know people like that too..) 10. People and dolphins are the only ones who have sex for pleasure (What about pigs???
*My husband is 40 years old, and in Odnoklassniki his classmates are 25-30... Lord, how difficult it was for him to study!..
*Darling, STAY at home. Do cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, baking, sewing, giving birth, raising. If you get tired of everything, change the situation, make repairs! Boring? - Take care of the dacha! As long as you are my wife, you “will not work”!!! =)))))
*At a disco, guy To girl: - Do you dance? - I dance, I sing, I read poetry, I love cats... - What are you weaving? - I weave, I embroider, I knit... - Are you persecuting me or what? - I drive moonshine, mash, oil sometimes... - Well, you give it to me! - I give... I give... I give... - What are you treating? - Hemorrhoids, sinusitis, sexual disorders... - What are you doing? Are you dumb? - I dull, sharpen, sharpen scissor knives, straighten razors... - What??? - Damn, I want to get married, it’s not clear, or something...))).
*Oh God, what a brute, and I gave birth to his son! I wanted to give birth to another daughter, would you go to…..that’s the point!!
*- Vitalik, why are you so sad? - Yes, on the 23rd, my friends gave me a towel with a naked woman... My wife liked the towel, but she kicked the woman out!
To be continued…..