TEACHER MOU "SOSH S. OCTOBER TOWN" T.P. IVANOV
FIRST SLIDE
The family is the most important structural formation of society and the state.
Each religion teaches to arrange a family in a certain order, according to the rules that fix the foundations of religious teaching. Let's try to figure out how Orthodoxy teaches to treat the family and arrange it. Let us recall some Orthodox traditions.
First of all, in Orthodox culture, it is customary to treat the family as a small Church. This is the same assembly of believers as the Church, only a small one - from several people.
The main thing in the family, as in the Orthodox tradition in general, is Love. But this is not just sympathy when someone likes someone, it is pleasant for someone to wash dishes or watch TV with someone. True love is a selfless feeling. By entering into marriage, therefore, Christians choose for themselves not a servant and not a slave, not a friend for entertainment, but a companion and a collaborator.
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Marriage in Orthodoxy is called a wedding. Crowns are placed on the heads of the bride and groom. This is a sign that on this day they are "prince" and "princess", the most revered people in the district. The crown is also a reward for the determination of people to give themselves to each other. But it is also a martyr's crown. When the newlyweds are solemnly led around the temple with crowns on their heads, the choir sings a prayer specifically to the martyrs - people who were once killed for their loyalty to God and the Church. (In turn, the expression "martyr's crown" is reminiscent of the crown of thorns of Christ.)
The bride and groom who truly love each other, like martyrs, are ready to endure everything for the sake of preserving the family.
The crown, like the ring, has no end. This means that in the same way, until death, the bride and groom must be faithful to each other when they become husband and wife. Even if there are illnesses and misfortunes in their lives, they must remain together.
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Children in Orthodox families are accepted as gifts from God. They were very loved, but they tried not to indulge, to raise them in severity, in diligence, obedience to their parents, they did not encourage verbosity (talkativeness). Children were baptized in infancy, they tried to take communion often, and early accustomed to church services.
Children, imitating their parents, were early accustomed to housework, the elders took care of the younger ones.
And yet, every child, while the parents are alive, remains a child and must respond to their parents with love, gratitude, and respect. And parents tried to be what they would like to see their children.
Each house is similar to its owners. At home in Rus', they tried to make solid, comfortable, they were landscaped, decorated with carvings. They usually built a house "with the whole world", that is, conciliarly, together, by the entire peasant community. Before moving into a new house, a priest was invited to consecrate the new home. Icons were arranged in the front corner - this is the red corner.
So, the well-known proverb: “The hut is not red with corners, but red with pies” - reminds us that the traditions of hospitality and hard work in the family are more expensive than the external decoration and beauty of the house. And the proverb: "Which hand strokes the head, that one pulls the tuft" - speaks of parental love and affection, inseparable from severity.
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In the center of Moscow there is a small, ancient temple in honor of the Ascension of the Lord, in which an icon with two saints, coming to the Lord in glory, shines with a quiet light. These saints, who became famous several centuries ago, are Peter and Fevronia of Murom. They opened to pious hearts the beauty and loftiness of the Orthodox family.
At the beginning of the 16th century, "the news spread throughout all countries that glorious miracle workers appeared in the city of Murom, bestowing healing on those who came to them." In 1552, Murom wonderworkers were canonized as Russian saints, and June 25, according to the old style (July 8, according to the new style), was considered the day of their memory. The legends about the selfless love and devotion of these two Murom spouses are still preserved.
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Back in the last century, in the village of Laskovo, where the wise, perspicacious maiden Fevronia once lived, a walnut bush grew and bore fruit, which was grown by her hands, and near this bush the villagers built a chapel with the icon of Peter and Fevronia. To this chapel on June 25, a religious procession was made from the village of Solotchi, and then a prayer service was served.
As a priceless treasure, Orthodox people honor the miraculous relics of these saints, which are located in the city of Murom in the Holy Trinity Convent.
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HOLY IMAGES OF FAMILY Piety.
PETER AND FEVRONIA OF MUROMSK.
TEACHER. One of the best ancient Russian works - The Tale of Peter and Fevronia - tells how the fate of these righteous people combined the Christian cross, human happiness, Christian feat and marriage.
^ RETELLING ALICE KHACHATRYAN
Saint Peter volunteered to protect the family happiness of his brother, Prince Pavel of Murom. Peter, with the help of a sword found under mysterious circumstances, kills the snake and saves his brother's family. But during the duel, snake blood splashed Peter, and the winner became covered with ulcers.
Such, it would seem, was the retribution for the feat. However, these sufferings also brought a reward to the hero, because the illness becomes the reason for Peter to find his own family happiness.
Peter sent the boy to look for a doctor who could heal the prince's illness. In the village of Laskovo, the youth finds a peasant girl, Fevronia, who impresses him with wisdom and promises to heal the prince, provided that
The prince marries her. Peter is healed with the help of an ointment made by Fevronia, but does not fulfill the conditions set for him - he does not want to marry a peasant woman.
Then the ulcers appear again, and the prince has to marry Fevronia. However, the boyar wives are outraged that they are controlled by a simple peasant woman, and demand her expulsion.
Fevronia agrees to leave, setting one condition: she will take what she wants in the principality. The boyars did not object, and Fevronia took her husband with her. That was the only thing a pious and wise wife needed.
But after that, such strife began in the principality that the boyars soon began to ask Peter and Fevronia to return.
Having lived a long life in a happy marriage, Peter and Fevronia disperse to monasteries in order to better prepare for death and stand before God in concentrated prayers. In monasticism, the spouses receive the names Euphrosyne and David.
Loving spouses asked God to die at the same time, “in one hour”, and bequeathed to make two coffins with a partition in one stone and put them both in this coffin.
Feeling the approach of death, Peter writes a note to Fevronia that he is already dying. But Fevronia embroidered air * for the temple and answered: "Wait a bit, I'll finish." The second time the spouse asks to hurry up, but in response Fevronia again asks to be patient. And only after the third note Fevronia sticks a needle into the fabric, wrapping it with the rest of the thread, and dies.
But people did not want to fulfill the will of the holy spouses and buried them in different places: Fevronia - outside the city, near the Church of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross of the convent, and Peter - inside the city, near the cathedral church of the Most Pure Mother of God. And the double coffin remained empty in the same church. But in the morning the bodies of the holy spouses were together. People transferred their bodies to the old coffins, but they were together again. Then it became clear to everyone that the holy spouses should remain inseparable, and they were buried in one tomb.
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TEACHER. QUESTIONS FOR CONSOLIDATION
Indicate what qualities and virtues of the holy spouses allowed them to save their family:
Wisdom of Fevronia
Fevronia's persistence
Piety of Peter
Piety of Fevronia
Patience Fevronia
Patience Peter
Fevronia's love
Love Petra
Grace of God
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FROM THE HISTORY OF THE MUROM SHINE. NAZAROVA ALESYA
On July 8, the Russian Federation celebrates the "Day of Family, Love and Fidelity", associated with the names of Saints Peter and Fevronia - the patrons of the family and marriage. The history of the holiday has deep roots and goes back to the ancient history of Russia.
Blessed Prince Peter was the second son of Prince Yury Vladimirovich of Murom. He ascended the throne of Murom in 1203. A few years earlier, Saint Peter fell ill with leprosy, from which no one could cure him. The beekeeper's daughter, the pious maiden Fevronia, a peasant woman of the village of Laskovaya in the Ryazan land, helped him. They became spouses.
The holy spouses carried love for each other through all trials.
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According to local legend, the stone tomb of Peter and Fevronia was first located in the city cathedral. At the end of the XVIII century. the relics of Saints Peter and Fevronia were placed in a magnificent tomb, in which they rest to this day. It is completely upholstered in metal with relief images and decorations. On the lid, the saints are represented as inseparably as on the miraculous cover.
After the revolution, the tomb of Peter and Fevronia ended up in the Murom Museum. In 1989, the shrine with the relics of Peter and Fevronia was returned to the Church and for several years was in the Murom Annunciation Cathedral. In 1993, the precious tomb of the inseparable spouses was solemnly transferred to the nearby Trinity Monastery. Cancer is placed in the Trinity Cathedral to the right of the iconostasis. It presents the holy spouses Peter and Fevronia and key scenes from the lives of the saints. Above is a carved canopy.
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Since 2008, the holiday dedicated to Saints Peter and Fevronia, who are the personification of the traditional family and marriage, has been solemnly celebrated not only by the Russian Orthodox Church, but also at the state level, taken under the patronage of the wife of the President of the Russian Federation Svetlana Vladimirovna Medvedeva and is held throughout the country as " Day of Family, Love and Fidelity".
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In 2008, in order to promote the traditional family, family values, the National Public Committee "Russian Family" and the Russian State Social University established a new medal "Russian patrons of the family and marriage, Saints Peter and Fevronia." The medal "Russian Patrons of the Family and Marriage Saints Peter and Fevronia" is awarded to Russian and foreign citizens, families and organizations for their contribution to strengthening the institution of the family, as recognition of their outstanding service to the family, the fulfillment of marital duty and the feat accomplished in the name of the family.
The holiday "Day of Family, Love and Fidelity" is becoming more and more popular every year, attracting not only married couples, but also young people who are just getting married and starting a family. And this is no coincidence, because the Holiday sings of simple, but eternal human values, time-tested and bequeathed to us by our ancestors - love, loyalty, sacrifice. Let the chamomile, which has become a symbol of this holiday, personify these eternal family values.
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MUSIC SOUNDS SHEET "DREAMS"
ROYAL FAMILY
A living example of family holiness for the Russian people was the royal family of the martyrs Nicholas II and Alexandra with their holy children: the heir Alexei and the Grand Duchesses Olga, Tatiana, Maria, Anastasia.
Saint Nicholas II was Emperor of Russia until 1917. All members of the last imperial family are glorified by the Orthodox Church and deeply revered as martyrs. But no less marked by popular recognition is that the royal family left us an image of family piety, marital fidelity and love, a high culture of education and morality.
The wife of Emperor Nicholas II was the German princess Alice (Alike). Having agreed to become the wife of the Russian Tsar and realizing that she should also be a spiritual example in the Orthodox state, she voluntarily converted to the Orthodox faith and received the name Alexander in the Orthodox Church.
The atmosphere of reverent love and touching concern for each other reigned in the imperial family. The last days of the life of members of the royal family were full of torment and reproach. In 1917, Emperor Nicholas II was forced to abdicate, and after the October Revolution, the entire royal family was exiled by the new government and shot on July 17, 1918 in the Ipatiev House in the city of Yekaterinburg.
A striking example of raising children in the spirit of Orthodoxy is the family of Emperor Nicholas II. How this family lived, how it raised children, we will now hear from the stories of students working on the educational project "Home and Family in the Orthodox Tradition."
^ EDUCATION IN THE ROYAL FAMILY. SASHA
Here is what he wrote on August 12, 1904 in his diary: “Great, never forgotten day, when the grace of God visited us so clearly. At one o'clock in the afternoon, Alix (Empress Alexandra Feodorovna) gave birth to a boy, who was named Alexei. The long-awaited boy, the heir to the Russian throne, was born at noon on a hot summer day.
The joy of the emperor and the empress knew no bounds: a son, the Heir to the Throne, entered the royal family. Tsarevich Alexei was a very beautiful baby with golden curls and blue eyes.
Alexei began to take his first steps, one day he stumbled and fell, small bruises appeared on his arms and legs, which grew into dark blue tumors in a few hours. It became clear: the blood did not coagulate under the skin. Alexei had a terrible disease - hemophilia, inherited from his mother. The Royal Family began to spend most of their time in Tsarskoe Selo near St. Petersburg. Living in luxurious palaces, the Royal Family led a very quiet and modest life. The children of Emperor Nicholas II were brought up strictly. All of them, with the exception of the sick prince, slept on hard camp beds. Cold baths were taken every morning. During the day we spent many hours studying and doing needlework. They literally did not have a single free minute. The Sovereign himself got up at 7 in the morning and after breakfast went to his office, where he worked until dark. When there was not much work to do, Nicholas II liked to ride horseback, passing through numerous surrounding villages.
The calm and somewhat shy nature of the Sovereign was passed on to his eldest daughter, Grand Duchess Olga. The fair-haired girl with a wide intelligent face and blue eyes amazed everyone with her kindness, ease of handling and depth of feelings.
Grand Duchess Tatyana was more like a mother empress. The tallest and most slender of all the sisters, she was energetic, purposeful, able to make serious decisions.
The sisters were sincerely devoted to each other. The third sister, Grand Duchess Maria, was the most cheerful of the sisters. Dark-haired with rosy cheeks and eyes so large dark blue that they were called "Mary's Saucers" in the family. The princess was very sociable, with equal success she could carry on a conversation with both the count and the simple peasant. She knew the names of all the sailors of the imperial yacht Shtandart, as well as the names of their wives and children. She did not like long and tedious social ceremonies. It was like she was constantly on the move. She, like all sisters, had a simple, kind, loving, truly Russian heart.
The youngest of the sisters, Grand Duchess Anastasia, was the main joker in the family. She could make everyone laugh. This same ability made her the best among the sisters in learning the correct pronunciation in foreign languages. As a child, she behaved like a boy: she climbed to the tops of trees, refused to go down until her father ordered. All the sisters lived exclusively together. They signed their letters with a joint autograph "OTMA". By this they expressed a single will and consent.
Tsarevich Alexei “was the core of this friendly family, all hopes and expectations were associated with him. The sisters adored him. He was the joy of his parents.
However, this beautiful blue-eyed child was terribly ill. The whole family suffered with him. When the crises of the disease passed, Alexei was no different from other children. By nature, he was very restless and playful. He liked noisy games, especially sledding from the mountains. “He thoroughly and completely enjoyed life. And when she let him, they were a happy boy, his teacher wrote. - His tastes were exceptionally simple. There was absolutely no ostentatious complacency in him that he was the Heir. That was the last thing he thought about."
Alexei had an excellent ear for music. But unlike his sisters, who learned to play the piano, the Heir loved the Russian balalaika. And tried hard to learn how to play it well. One of the teachers said: “There is not a single bad or vicious trait in the soul of this child. His soul is the kindest soil for all good seeds. If they know how to plant and grow it, then the Russian Land will receive not only a beautiful and intelligent Sovereign, but also a wonderful person.
All memories note that the Tsar's children were ardent patriots. He loved Russia and everything Russian. “When I am king,” said Alexei, “there will be no poor and unfortunate. I want everyone to be happy."
The prince's favorite food was cabbage soup, porridge, black bread. Every day they brought him samples of cabbage soup and porridge from the soldiers' kitchen. The heir ate everything and licked the spoon. At the same time, beaming with pleasure, he said: “This is delicious. Not like our dinner."
The royal family is an example of a truly Orthodox upbringing, instilling in children such charitable traits of character as kindness, honesty, simplicity, meekness, forgiveness, sympathy, modesty.
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MUSIC SHUBERT "SERENADE" SOUNDS
RECIPES OF FAMILY HAPPINESS. LUZANOVA OKSANA
Love, which underlies family relationships, can weaken if selfishness prevails in human souls. This did not happen in the royal family. In this amazing family, the words of the Holy Scripture were in effect: “And the Lord God said: It is not good for a man to be alone; Let us make him a helper fit for him... Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2; 18:24).
^ LUZANOVA OKSANA.
“Marriage is a divine rite. He was part of God's plan when He created man, - we read the diary entries of the martyr Empress Alexandra Feodorovna. - This is the closest and most sacred connection on earth... Without the blessing of God, without the consecration of marriage by Him, all the congratulations and good wishes of friends will be an empty sound. Without His daily blessing of family life, even the most tender and true love will not be able to give everything that is needed to a thirsty heart. Without the blessing of Heaven, all the beauty, joy, value of family life can be destroyed at any moment.
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The family was the most important thing for the Empress. She, of course, did not imagine that the time would come when people would get divorced after almost a month of living together because of any trifle, but even then they began to get used to divorce, although they were not an easily achievable matter. The craze of divorces and relatives of the emperor did not pass. Nikolai Alexandrovich was very worried, for example, because of the breakdown of the marriage of his younger sister, Grand Duchess Olga Alexandrovna.
His wife, Empress Alexandra Feodorovna, sadly watched how people get married or woo children, guided by self-interest, frivolous passion, some benefits and other incentives that are far from the Christian understanding of marriage. She saw that even families created out of love were collapsing because of the inability to endure the weaknesses of the second half, to bear, according to the apostle, each other's hardships, and she probably assumed that it would soon become completely “simple”: they did not get along in character - and there is no family, and it does not matter that children suffer.
The empress watched, thought and wrote down: “Through the fault of those who got married, one or both, life in marriage can become a misfortune. The possibility of being happy in marriage is very great, but we must not forget the possibility of its collapse. Only a correct and wise life in marriage will help to achieve an ideal marital relationship.
The first lesson to be learned and practiced is patience. At the beginning of family life, both the virtues of character and disposition are revealed, as well as the shortcomings and peculiarities of habits, taste, temperament, which the other half did not suspect.
“Another secret of happiness in family life is attention to each other,” - here Alexandra Feodorovna writes, undoubtedly, about her own experience. “The happiness of life is made up of individual minutes, of small, quickly forgotten pleasures: from a kiss, a smile, a kind look, a heartfelt compliment and countless small but kind thoughts and sincere feelings. Love also needs its daily bread.
Another important point in family life is the unity of interests. Let both hearts share both joy and suffering. Let them share the burden of worries. Let everything in life be common to them. They should go to church together, pray side by side, together bring to the feet of God the burden of caring for their children and everything dear to them. Why don't they talk to each other about their doubts and help each other with sympathy, words of encouragement?
Fear the slightest beginning of misunderstanding or alienation. Instead of holding back, a stupid, careless word is uttered - and now a small crack has appeared between the two hearts that had previously been one, it expands and expands until they are forever torn from each other. Did you say something in a hurry? Ask for forgiveness immediately. Do you have any misunderstanding? No matter whose fault it is, don't let him stay between you for an hour.
Refrain from quarreling. Do not go to bed with anger in your soul. There should be no place for pride in family life. You never need to amuse your sense of offended pride and scrupulously calculate who exactly should ask for forgiveness. True lovers are always ready to both give in and apologize.
After reading the notes of this amazing, loving wife, you begin to understand that the words: “I love you” are still not enough for family happiness. Healthy relationships between spouses can serve as a guarantee of the moral education of children.
The royal couple did not hide their love from the children. The mother did not give the kids a reason to think that only they were the object of her adoration. When the sovereign, in connection with the outbreak of the Russo-Japanese War, was forced to leave his family for a while, three-year-old Anastasia asked her mother: “Are you sad that dad left?” Alexandra Feodorovna answered: "Yes." And then the girl made a touching attempt to console her: "Don't worry - he'll be back soon."
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THE MUSIC OF CHOPIN "WALTZ" SOUNDS
Raising daughters in the family of the last Russian Tsar
Caption on the slide
“Without purity, it is impossible to imagine true femininity. Even in the midst of this world, mired in sins and vices, it is possible to preserve this holy purity ”(Empress Alexandra Feodorovna).
The wife of Nicholas II, undoubtedly, understood better than many how great the destiny of a woman, how holy her true beauty is in faith, purity and humility. This is the strength of a woman.
^ DAUGHTERS OF EMPEROR NICHOLAS. BOY LENA
The daughters of Emperor Nicholas II were brought up in the spirit of the New Testament. Did the father and mother develop any special education program? It seems that helping their girls grow up and learn about life, they were simply guided by the wise principles of their own lives. The successes of upbringing turned out to be undeniable: the Grand Duchesses grew up as simple, affectionate, educated girls who did not show their position in dealing with others in any way. It is difficult to imagine more charming, pure and smart girls.
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The charm of these four sisters, difficult to define, consisted in their great simplicity, naturalness, freshness and innate kindness.
The life of the princesses was neither cheerful nor varied. They were brought up in a strict patriarchal spirit, in deep religiosity. This brought up in them that faith, that strength of spirit and humility, which helped them meekly and lightly endure the difficult days of imprisonment and accept martyrdom. The empress did not allow the princesses to sit idle for a single second. They had to be always busy, always in action. Wonderful works and embroideries came out from under their graceful, quick pens. The outwardly monotonous life of the princesses was filled with fun of their cheerful and lively characters. They knew how to find happiness and joy in small things. They were young not only in their years, but they were young in the deepest sense of the word - everything pleased them: the sun, flowers, every minute spent with their father, every short walk during which they could look at the crowd; they rejoiced at every smile of strangers or passers-by; they shone with caress and bright colors of blooming Russian faces. Wherever they appeared, their cheerful sonorous laughter sounded. No one ever felt uncomfortable with them, their simplicity made everyone as simple and at ease as they were themselves.
One of the main secrets of success in parenting was simple: the father and mother accepted their four daughters, so different from each other, the way God created them. Everything in the young princesses was perceived by the parents as a given. The empress loved her girls, they were her friends, devoted assistants, and a simple but rather strict upbringing did not at all turn them into Cinderellas.
The upbringing of daughters in the royal family was indeed strict, since Alexandra Feodorovna herself was brought up like that, and Tsar Nicholas in childhood was not spoiled by his father, Emperor Alexander III. The princesses slept on camp beds, taking a cold bath every morning. The empress, herself very modest in dress, in the choice of hairstyles, did not allow her daughters to dress up too much. Grand Duchess Olga Nikolaevna fully accepted this attitude to luxury and, according to her recollections, dressed very modestly, constantly scolding her other sisters in this regard.
Every ruble saved on some luxurious dress went to charity. Maybe Alexandra Fedorovna, if she were an ordinary mother, would have pampered her daughters, but she felt a constant responsibility for her subjects. When the First World War began, new dresses ceased to be sewn at all, the Grand Duchesses had to carefully mend their clothes themselves.
It seems that the princesses, due to their special position, should have received some kind of unusual upbringing. However, a smart and strict mother brought up, first of all, future women, Christians and just worthy people, but by no means pampered princesses, inaccessible to mere mortals.
The empress took care of the children herself - after all, constant contact with the mother is especially important for girls. According to the memoirs of Baroness Sophie Buhsgevden, the Empress, in fact, raised her daughters herself, and did it perfectly. She showed her authority when necessary, and this did not violate the atmosphere of absolute trust that reigned between her and her daughters. Alexandra Fedorovna understood the cheerfulness of youth and never restrained the girls if they were naughty and laughed.
Circumstances early taught the four sisters to be content with themselves and their natural gaiety: “How few young girls without grumbling would be content with a life devoid of any external entertainment. The only consolation was the charm of close family life, which in our days causes such neglect. The girls felt disconnected from others, but at the same time they were cheerful, cheerful, invariably kind and friendly to everyone.
Parents considered it their most important task to keep their daughters chaste. Judging by the correspondence with their mother, both Olga and Tatyana were carried away by someone. On the part of Alexandra Fedorovna, they met the sympathy and wise understanding of their mother, who had lived quite a lot in the world. The Empress, knowing that her daughters were too young, that for the Grand Duchesses, due to their special position, the choice of a friend of the heart was rather difficult, gently instructed her daughters to learn to control their heart desires. Sharpness in relation to children was not characteristic of her at all, especially in such subjects where it is necessary to show special sensitivity.
The daughters of Emperor Nicholas studied, studied foreign languages, played tennis and rode horseback. At the same time, they could not imagine life without the Church.
By virtue of their position, the Grand Duchesses had to have duties to society, they had to learn how to fulfill them with dignity. But in the view of Empress Alexandra Feodorovna, there was no dispute that the house and family are what rests primarily on a woman and every girl is obliged to understand this even in childhood.
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“The whole external and spiritual way of the domestic life of the royal family was a typical example of the pure, patriarchal life of a simple Russian religious family,” recalled M. K. Diterikhs.
^ WAY OF LIFE OF THE ROYAL FAMILY. Julia BESSINGER
“Rising in the morning from sleep or lying down in the evening, each member of the family performed his prayer, after which in the morning, having gathered together as much as possible, the mother or father would loudly read to the other members the Gospel and Epistles laid down for that day. In the same way, sitting down at the table or getting up from the table after eating, everyone performed the prescribed prayer, and only then did he take food or go to himself. They never sat down at the table if the father was delayed by something: they were waiting for him.
In this family, the alternation of various activities was also regulated, and the regime was observed quite strictly. But not so strict as to become unbearable for children. The daily routine did not burden the princesses and the prince.
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When the imperial family was in Tsarskoye Selo, her life was more family in nature than in other places, receptions were limited. The retinue did not live in the palace, so the family gathered at the table without outsiders and quite easily. The children, growing up, dined with their parents. Pierre Gilliard left a description of the winter of 1913/14, spent by the family in Tsarskoye Selo. Lessons with the heir began at 9 o'clock with a break between 11 o'clock and noon. During this break, a walk was made in a carriage, sleigh or car, then classes were resumed until breakfast, until one in the afternoon. After breakfast, teacher and student always spent two hours outdoors. The Grand Duchesses and the Sovereign, when he was free, joined them, and Alexei Nikolayevich had fun with his sisters, descending from an icy mountain, which was built on the shore of a small artificial lake. At 4 pm, lessons resumed until lunch, which was served at 7 o'clock for Alexei Nikolaevich and at 8 o'clock for the rest of the family. The day ended with reading aloud a book.
Idleness was absolutely alien to the family of the last emperor. Even after the arrest in Tsarskoye Selo, Nikolai Aleksandrovich and his family were always in business. In their free time from studies, the Empress and her daughters sewed something, embroidered or knitted, but they were never left without any work. The emperor at that time was reading in his office and putting his papers in order. In the evening, after tea, the father would come to his daughters' room; he was given an armchair, a table, and he read aloud the works of Russian classics, while his wife and daughters, listening, did needlework or drew.
From childhood, the sovereign was accustomed to physical work and taught his children to it. During daytime walks, all members of the family, with the exception of the empress, were engaged in physical work: clearing the paths of the park from snow, or breaking ice for the cellar, or cutting off dry branches and cutting down old trees, preparing firewood for the coming winter. With the onset of warm weather, the whole family took up the arrangement of an extensive garden.
It should be noted here that such activities as, for example, weeding in the garden, the Grand Duchesses did not shun even before their arrest. The eldest daughters in the last years of their father's reign, during the First World War, were loaded to the limit. The Empress always made every effort to provide real benefit to her neighbors, and involved children in the cause of charity.
^ PLAY BICCHEVSKA'S SONG AND SCROLL ALL SLIDES
You must learn to love even in your parental home, otherwise love will not take root in your new adult family. He who did not learn to love in his parental home will not be able to love even when he creates his own family.
What are modern families like? Today we have representatives of families who want to tell about themselves.
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Khachatryan family. She is represented by the Sisters Arignaz, Arivik and Alice.
AREGNAZ'S STORY ABOUT FAMILY
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TEACHER. A real family is unthinkable without children, for the sake of them a lot is done, endured. Eternal problems of fathers and children, brothers and sisters. Dima talks about his older brother.
^ DIMA'S STORY ABOUT BIG BROTHER
TEACHER. Have you ever thought about how easy it is to be the eldest in a family, especially in a large family. Our guest is the older sister of Pasha and Nastya Dasha.
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DASHA'S SPEECH
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Much of the life of the royal martyrs will remain a mystery, but the records of the holy martyr Empress Alexandra about the house and the upbringing of children have been preserved. Let's listen to them.
In September 1899, after five years of marriage and having three children, Empress Alexandra wrote: “Disinterested love is a family duty. Everyone should forget his "I", dedicating himself to another. Everyone should blame themselves, not the other, when something is wrong. Patience and patience are needed, impatience can ruin everything.<...>The strongest love most of all needs to be strengthened daily Most of all, rudeness is inexcusable in one's own house, in relation to the one we love.
Saint Alexandra, being the empress of the most powerful and richest state in the world, knew how to appreciate the happiness of marriage and motherhood. “No treasures of the world can replace a person with incomparable treasures - his own children,” she wrote.
Adoring her children, Empress Alexandra, as a deeply believing Christian, believed, however, that even her
Archpriest Alexy Ladygin, rector of the church of Euphrosyne of Moscow in Kotlovka, answers questions from viewers. Transfer from Moscow. Aired January 21, 2014
Hello, dear viewers, on the air of the Soyuz TV channel, the program "Conversations with the priest." In the studio Denis Beresnev. Our guest today is Archpriest Alexy Ladygin, Rector of the Church of St. Euphrosyne of Moscow in Kotlovka, Candidate of Theology.
Hello, father. Please bless our viewers.
Hello. May the blessing of the Lord be with us all.
The topic of our today's program is "Orthodox Family". You can call and ask your questions live.
Father Alexy, tell me, why is the family called a small church?
The image of the family is the image of the Church and unity. We must understand the depth of achievement when we enter into marriage, and we must understand on what basis it is based. The Lord, through the Scriptures and the Messages, reveals to us what a family should be like. The very name of the family by the Small Church indicates that prayer should be done in it. If there is no prayer, the family will not be strong and will not be able to fulfill the task that it should set for itself.
The best way to understand this is through the images that life and the history of our Church have given us. If we turn to our saints, the patrons of each family, like the Grand Holy Princess Evdokia and the Holy Right-Believing Prince Dimitry Donskoy, who showed a chaste family life, gave birth to twelve children, and at the same time were outstanding statesmen and political figures, creators of Moscow statehood. Trying to understand how they succeeded, we turn to the chronicles that have come down to us.
The chronicler writes that Dmitry and Evdokia competed in spiritual achievement, not yielding to each other in fasting and prayer. Prayer must lie at the foundation of every family, otherwise it is doomed to the suffering that we see in the modern world.
- Monks for the sake of the spiritual path abandon the family. Does the family interfere with the spiritual path?
The monks, having abandoned the family, are engaged in spiritual work, not being distracted by the cares and care of a family person. The Apostle Paul says that both ways are acceptable to the Lord, but a married man has more sorrows. This grief is not only for yourself, but also for your family. We have care for each member of our family, and both leave us less time for prayer and spiritual achievement. However, this does not mean that we leave all this, because we understand that it is possible to overcome the trials sent to us only with God's help. We must clearly bear this in mind.
Monastics give up this in order to devote their whole lives to God alone. Once, the future Metropolitan Benjamin (Fedchenkov) was asked why he chose the monastic path, and he replied that this path was shorter and more convenient for the salvation of his soul. A monk takes care of how to please God, and a married man also cares about how to please his wife and children - this is the difference between these paths and the one that every person should follow. And this path is Seek first the Kingdom of God, and everything else will be added to you. We can accomplish all our deeds and cares only if we have prayer. Without Me you can do nothing, says the Lord.
As the Holy Scripture says, if the Lord does not bless the earth, then the earth will not bear fruit. Without God, the builder labors in vain, we have seen and know how it was without God in our country, when everything was destroyed, but we could not build without God.
If a person lives with God, then everything works out for him: he overcomes all difficulties and sorrows, because they are fellow travelers in our earthly journey and help to forge out of us a personality not only physical, but also spiritual.
The path of Demetrius and Evdokia is an amazing path. This is a path with sorrows, experiences, but they came out victorious and became a model in family life for many of our compatriots, both of former times and of today.
In our time, the level of family life is lowered, it is perceived as a kind of game, as civil cohabitation, and not care and concern for the future generation, the path that God commanded, saying: be fruitful and multiply and fill this earth. A very important task of family life is childbearing and the proper upbringing of children. Education in God, in faith, so that they would take over the baton of Christian life, filling this earth with goodness. Our life is more and more distorted, we even stop thinking in terms of real life, life according to the truth of God. A person no longer lives in reality, but virtually, he likes more some kind of cosmic fictions and fantasies. Man is increasingly moving away from this real world into fiction, and this world is increasingly filled with arbitrariness, lawlessness, slyness, lies, slander. And when the Church raises the voice of truth, truth and light, then all this unrighteousness pounces on her, saying that there is no difference and trying to mix everything into a common, inseparable mass. Only a small Church, a family, can achieve great results even in society, but only by its correct and righteous life. Evidence of this is the way of life of the same Demetrius and Evdokia. Thanks to their correct life according to the commandments, the correct organization of their family and life in it, they managed to give such a potential to the small Muscovite state that it then became a great empire.
Question from a TV viewer from Anapa: I have gray hair, and I dye it, because my husband and relatives want it that way, they say that I look younger and better this way. Isn't it a sin?
If you were a nun, then this would not be worth doing. But if you use cosmetics in a normal amount, especially since it is pleasant for your family, there is no sin in this. The Lord will not ask us whether we dyed our hair or not, but will ask how we acted in this life and whether we did good.
- What should be guided by when choosing a partner or life partner?
When the time came for me to get married, I saw a wonderful Christian family of a priest, in which there was a wonderful relationship between the father, a real caring shepherd, with his mother and children, and I asked him how he managed to find such a mother? To which he replied: I did not seek, I prayed. Indeed, one must pray, and not walk, look for a cheerful, pretty girl. I tell my parishioners: do not look for a wife in a round dance, but look in your parish. If a girl is a believer, she has a core, and she will live according to the commandments of God. She will arrange a wonderful comfort in your home, will give tenderness and love to you and your children, raising them according to the commandments of God.
As my father said to me somewhat jokingly: I prayed to the Lord that He would send me a wife a little dumb, a little blind, a little deaf. And He sent me just one. It happens that I say something offensive to my mother, but she does not seem to hear, and does not say anything. I'll do something wrong, but she doesn't seem to see it. Sometimes I’ll tell her rudely, and she tells me: “Forgive me, father.” And so I am ashamed of these words, and I feel guilty, but she doesn’t consider me like that, but leads me to the kitchen and feeds me the most delicious. So she and I live in joy both in the Church and at home, raise children, pray for them and rejoice in everything.
Therefore, we must pray to the Lord to send a companion - a real Christian. A woman has a great duty not only to give birth to children, but also to educate them in God's truth. It happens that a woman is fond of a career, money, entertainment, achieving a position in society, and years pass, she comes to the temple and says: “Father, I have worked all my life, but there is no happiness, because there is no family, no children. And this big money that I earn is useless, and entertainment is no longer needed, because I feel that I have not realized myself internally. First of all, a woman must fulfill the commandment given to her by God - to give birth to children. A man has a different function - he is the breadwinner, he must work hard. There should be many children in the house, they should pray with their mother, go to church, they should be taught to work, and here is the field of activity of a woman who is the keeper of the hearth, a prayer book for her husband, for children. She shows an example of love, faith.
Family life is not constant joy and entertainment. Family life should be considered as a cross-bearing; indeed, there are many difficulties in it. You need to get used to them right away.
Someone thinks that I will not marry, because there is no material base yet. They got married, but they don’t give birth to children yet, because they haven’t walked up yet, haven’t had fun. The time is coming, but the Lord does not give children. Because it is impossible to approach our relations pragmatically. One must live in simplicity, like children. Fell in love - got married, got married - you have to give birth to children right away. Do not think whether or not there will be housing. Even in recent Soviet times, no one thought that he had no money, no means. Many lived in a family, renting a house, but we still remember this time with joy. Because youth, and because difficulties unite young couples. When a person gets used to the fact that he lives up to thirty years for himself, then he no longer accepts the cry of a child at night, bathing a child tears him away from the plan that I am used to seeing in my life.
Question from a viewer from the city of Nizhnevartovsk: It is written in Scripture that the reason for divorce is adultery. My husband and I lived together for twenty years, there was a betrayal, but we cannot get a divorce due to the circumstances, we live together in the same apartment, but I cannot forgive. How to proceed in such a situation?
The situation is indeed difficult. There are many questions that should be asked to you in order to clarify the circumstances, your inner disposition, for this there are parish priests, and I would recommend that you go to the parish priest, tell the situation and do as he says.
The Holy Scripture does say that adultery is a possible cause of divorce. But possible, this does not mean that it is necessary to get a divorce. If you live under the same roof and repentant sin, you can help your husband get rid of this sin, take the true path. We must always remember that our desire for divorce is one thing, and our children, who become the most miserable and suffer the most during a divorce, are another matter. For them, both father and mother are equally important.
Today we see that a divorced family cannot give society a psychologically complete person who would consider himself such. As a rule, most often children feel that they have not received enough love, it is very difficult for such a person to build his family life in the future and create a full-fledged, healthy society. We must remember this. If there is an opportunity to help overcome some kind of sin, to help your husband, with whom he has lived for twenty years, it may be worth helping him correct himself, realize the sin that he committed, and start living anew. It's like one of the options. Resentment can continue to live, but resentment will not only destroy the family, it will corrode you too, it is very scary. Try to reconcile and live again under one roof, to see not the person I am offended by, but whom I can still love. It will be much higher and more valuable. Consider talking to your parish priest or spiritual advisor. You should always give a chance for the victory of good over sin.
- What, in your opinion, is the main, perhaps the root cause of discord in the family?
One of them has now been named by our viewer - this, of course, is treason. Cheating destroys the spiritual threads in the family. Now this is a very common sin, on the one hand, a person removes internal barriers, on the other hand, the understanding of sin in our life is blurred by television, serials, where love stories and intrigues are always woven. When a person plunges into this, he understands that he received nothing but emptiness, a destroyed family and remorse. Sometimes this sin is a feature of non-return to family life.
We have very different desires, views on life. The reason for this is that our society is becoming unspiritual, does not believe in God, does not have common roots that bind the family into a single whole. The Lord says that He crowns two into one flesh, into one organism. If at least some part of our body fails, then there is an imbalance of the whole organism. A person begins to suffer, get sick, the family should be like such a single organism. And here it is important not only the physical bond, but also the spiritual unity. Interests and views may be different, but if there is spiritual unity, such a family can overcome everything in a prayerful impulse, receive grace, forgive or give in at some points.
The family must be spiritually nourished. The strongest families are religious, sociologists will confirm this. Families with many children have the lowest divorce rate, their parents work hard, they are not up to frills. Fathers need to work harder to earn so that children do not feel inferior compared to others. A large family unites. When children grow up, it is such happiness when before your very eyes they learn to live, where there are many children and you need to find good relations with brothers and sisters. In a large family, people are indeed preparing for society, already learning to live in a conciliar way, learning the wisdom of relationships, yielding, showing care, love, care.
If a family lives only for its own pleasure, extra money, extra time appears, which are directed to please oneself, and we again come to the same egoism. When a man lives for himself, he no longer thinks about his wife or his children.
A question from a TV viewer from the city of Pereslavl-Zalessky: How does the Church feel about murder in war, military affairs, and how it affects the family when a person who committed murder in war returns home.
- There is a completely different attitude towards military men who commit murder in war than towards murder for personal purposes, which is committed out of hatred, aggression, the viciousness that a person has already acquired. A person commits, being already internally prepared for it. By murder, man destroys what God has created, so this is a terrible sin. God is the head of life, therefore only He can interrupt it. Christ, our true God, possesses life and death, - says the church prayer.
Military people do not kill because they harbor malice or anger, they do it out of duty, protecting others who stand behind them. We know that the military themselves can be killed at any moment, they sacrifice themselves, protecting widows, orphans, the elderly, faith. Therefore the Lord says: There is no greater love than if one lays down his life for his friends.
Such service is not imputed as a sin, but as a justification. Therefore, in the old days, it was written on the banners of our army: For your friends. And, of course, no penance is imposed on them. Although, of course, the Christian warrior himself repents. But this is not a sin, especially one for which the family is responsible. We know that many soldiers who were military leaders became saints, because they did their work in truth, trusting in God and fulfilling their duty to the Fatherland and the Church.
- Do children have responsibilities in the family? If yes, what are they?
Children have responsibilities. Their greatest duty is to live in obedience and honor to the parents who brought them into this world, warm, nourish them, give them education. We know that children have no right to say "I want" and "I don't want". This can only be said by an adult independent person who feeds himself and earns. Children should live in terms of "can" and "should not", and take the blessing or permission of their parents for everything.
The fifth commandment is the biggest commandment. As long as our parents are alive, we remain children and must be in obedience to them. As the fifth commandment says, Honor your father and mother, and you will live long on earth. For the fulfillment of this commandment, the Lord gives us longevity as a reward. The most disobedient children who do not respect their parents can be deprived of their lives at any moment. It is very important and very responsible to honor your parents, obey, take care when they grow old, never forget about them. Remember that parental blessing arranges the foundation of houses. If parents bless their children, everything goes well in their lives.
Now it is cultivated in society that when you are an adult, you can do as you want. Indeed, everything is possible for a man, but not everything is useful to him, as the apostle says. Spiritual laws have not been repealed, and they still operate in the same way. On the main thing and on the main thing, you need to take a blessing, and then you will achieve your goals.
Those who seek to condemn, offend their parents, remember that the mother's curse takes the life of such a person. This fits into our logic, if not for them, then we would not see the joys on this earth, we would not have the joy of communicating with people and admiring the beauty of this world.
Question from a TV viewer from Chuvashia: Many of my acquaintances who grew up in large families do not want to have large families themselves, because they saw little love from their mother and father, who had to work very hard. Psychologists also say that such a problem exists in large families. What do you think about it?
It is necessary to clearly define what is meant by parental love. Very often this is called permissiveness, the feeling of bliss that children receive from their parents. If we take the Holy Scriptures, we will read in the book of Sirach: cherish a child in your youth, and it will make you afraid in your old age; punish the child in youth, he will rest you in old age. Therefore, the moments of modern education do not fit into the framework in a large family. My mother's love lay in the fact that she did not let us relax, she forced us to pray. She taught us to work, all eight of our children received an education. Love is not to give the child the opportunity to sleep more, to go to the resort, but to accustom him to work, prayer, respect for elders, good deeds. Our mother always let us light a candle in the church ourselves, give alms to the beggar ourselves. Love lies in instilling in children a love for work, faith in God, so that it helps them survive.
What are we doing now? We feel sorry for raising them to prayer so that they can get enough sleep. And what about our children? They grow up to be idlers and cannot study and work. They are accustomed to being served, they cannot serve themselves. Therefore, I will never agree with the conclusions of psychologists, probably they have never seen children who grew up in large families, they are much better than children who grew up in families with one or two children, and who not only cannot do good deeds, but sometimes even clean your room.
A large family lives in need and difficulties, but they teach them to work, to support each other. Families with many children are a large family that can support in difficult situations, participate in each other's lives, because from childhood they have learned to share, to give in, to infringe on themselves, if only their brother or sister was better off.
- If the family is a small Church, then should the Church be a big family?
Of course, the Church unites many family Churches. This is especially evident now, when, as a rule, families go to church. We see how mom, dad come with children.
If we take our entire Church, then it unites all of us into one big family. Why? Because we have one single Father, and the Lord gave us the prayer "Our Father". We treat God not as high and distant, but as the closest, as a father, which means that we are all brothers and sisters.
Thank you Father Alexis. Our transmission time has come to an end. At the end of our program, I ask you to bless our viewers.
The blessing of the Lord is with you all. I sincerely thank you all and wish God's help with your unceasing labors and spiritual improvements.
Program guest: Archpriest Alexy Ladygin.
Host: Denis Beresnev.
Transcription: Yulia Podzolova.
IV Diocesan Christmas Educational Readings
"Prince Vladimir. Civilized Choice of Rus'"
Municipal budgetary educational institution secondary
secondary school №1
Christian values in formation
family traditions in modern Russia
Course: "Orthodoxy and family"
Teacher MBOU secondary school №1
Novy Urengoy
Russkikh Vera Leonidovna
Work experience 33 years
Without God, a nation is a crowd,
United by vice
Either blind or stupid
Ile, what is even worse, is cruel.
And let anyone ascend the throne,
Speaking in a high voice.
The crowd will remain the crowd
Until you turn to God!
Russia has been from time immemorial a country of Orthodox Christianity. Its creatively leading national-linguistic core has always professed the Orthodox Faith. Russia received all the main content of the Christian revelation from the Orthodox East and in the form of Orthodoxy, in Greek and Slavonic. “The great spiritual and political upheaval of our planet is Christianity. In this sacred element the world disappeared and was renewed” (Pushkin)
With the adoption of Christianity, Russian people receive the true faith , Orthodox-Christian worldview, writing, literature, schools, statehood, law. This explains the abundance of Christian qualities in the Russian people, which are often noticed by observant foreigners who have had long contact with Russians. One can freely say that the Orthodox faith is the cradle of Russian culture and the educator of the Russian character.
Few people like it when something new is imposed on them, but at the same time, they respect and accept traditions. If you want to keep order in the family. Everyone knows that in Rus' all families had their own traditions, which united them, making them strong and strong. Changes have taken place in modern Russia. They touched upon the original roles of men and women. Women wanted equality: getting the same education as men, the opportunity to decide for whom she would like to vote, even earnings became approximately equal. The woman has ceased to be the keeper, and the man the main earner and protector. The ancient destiny of a woman, the keeper of family traditions, has receded into secondary roles. The views on the concept of "family", on fidelity in the family, and on the upbringing of children have also changed. Many of the traditions that made a family a family have been lost. Many families to this day are more like people who live under the same roof, while having nothing in common, even sometimes not knowing each other. But it is the family that gives a sense of stability and protection from early childhood, which we carry through our entire conscious life and pass on to our children. Therefore, traditions are the basis of the way of the family, the family is friendly, strong, which has a future. Therefore, it is necessary to revive traditions, family traditions. It’s good if they are to the liking of all family members, because they are able to bring together, strengthen love, instill mutual respect and understanding in the souls, something that most modern families lack so much. Tradition is translated as forms of activity and behavior that have developed historically and are passed down from generation to generation, and their corresponding customs, rules, and values. It is traditions that act as a factor in the regulation of people's life, this is the basis for raising children. The upbringing of a child begins with the relationship that reigns in the family between the parents. In the minds of children, habits similar to adults, tastes, addictions, preferences are deposited long before the process of understanding what is happening begins. After all, the construction of children's behavior follows the example of copying. Children are brought up not only by parents as such, but also by the family life that develops. You can attach to family traditions by the personal example of the parents themselves. The introduction to culture and religion begins with the family, the child masters the basics of material and spiritual culture. In the conditions of the family, human forms of behavior are also formed: thinking and speech, orientation in the world of objects and relationships, moral qualities, ideals. It is the family that gives rise to a sense of the continuity of generations, and through this, involvement in the history of a kind, and the development of the ideals of patriotism. The family, having provided stability, reveals the abilities, strengths in a family member. It is a good tradition to discuss issues of family life. For example, when at evening tea, all family members talk about what interesting things happened to them today, in addition, they discuss plans for the next weekend, the main thing is that the children also express their opinions. A useful custom is to analyze your own mistakes aloud, this makes it possible to conduct an impartial analysis of actions and draw the right conclusions for the future. Family traditions are the spiritual atmosphere of the house, which is made up of: the daily routine, lifestyle, customs, and habits of the inhabitants. The happier the traditions were and the more interesting the knowledge of the world in the parental family, the more joy the baby will have in later life. It is a good tradition to celebrate birthdays, and the celebration should not only be about eating something delicious, but doing something special and fun. For children, all holidays are unusual and fabulous, so the task of adults is to make sure that the child remembers his childhood as often as possible later, when he grows up and educates his baby. It has become a tradition in my family to celebrate the New Year with the whole family (my relatives come from all cities).
Family relationships are primarily spiritual relationships. The upbringing of boys and girls was based on the understanding that sexual relations are possible only within the family and must be sanctified by a blessed union in the sacrament of marriage. Boys and girls were accustomed to modesty by the whole way of life of the family. However, the spiritual basis of family relations gradually disappeared with the closing of churches and the impact of atheistic ideology. The loss of the spiritual basis of the family, the fear of God, gradually led to more free, more precisely, loose relationships, which were still not customary to talk about, at the social level such relationships were even condemned. Meanwhile, the external manifestations of life, such as an increase in the number of divorces, an increase in the number of abortions, testified to the presence of problems in family relations. In an Orthodox family, the whole way of life is connected with the church calendar. In the modern world, show nobility, hospitality, kindness and the ability to comprehend and subordinate even everyday worries and personal problems to the highest spiritual ideals.
The purpose of such forms is to promote the revival of the best domestic traditions of family education. Assistance to the family in understanding and shaping their system of life values, assisting parents, grandparents and other family members in mastering the skills of creative family pedagogy. In the upbringing of children, the family cannot be replaced by any other social institution; it has an exceptional role in promoting the formation of a child's personality. In family communication, a person learns to overcome his egoism, in the family he learns "what is good and what is bad." In the family, the child learns the basics of material and spiritual culture. In communication with close adults, the child develops actually human forms of behavior: skills of thinking and speech, orientation and activity in the world of objects and human relations, moral qualities, life values, aspirations, ideals. A sense of living continuity of generations is born in the family, a sense of involvement in the history of their people, the past, present and future of their homeland.
The visible manifestation of family life is the home. The home is the place where the physical, spiritual and spiritual life of the family unfolds. Family and home are a spiritual fortress for our children, which protects them from the temptations of this world. What can parents do to help their children resist these temptations? Every day we must be ready to overcome the influence of the world with a healthy Christian upbringing. We must be reasonable enough to use everything that is positive in it for our educational purposes. First of all, the family becomes a source of love for children. The atmosphere of the family strongly influences the formation of the spiritual image of the child, determines the development of children's feelings, children's thinking. This general atmosphere can be called "family mentality". Children who have grown up in an atmosphere of love carry it in themselves further, creating their families, filling the earth with this love. Love is the only creative force. So, the family is created as a source of love and creative power for all mankind. There is no love - and any methodology of the educational process is doomed to failure.
Bibliography
Borodina A.V., Fundamentals of Orthodox Culture. M.: Pokrov, 2003
Viktorovich V.A., Russia and the Slavic world. History, language, culture. M.: Three squares, 2008
Pechnikov B.A., Knights of the Church. Moscow: Politizdat, 1991
Rogov A, Russian people. Orthodoxy. M.: Olma-Press, 2008
Garadzha V.I. “Religious Studies” M. “Aspect Press”, 1994
Kryvelev I.A. “History of Religions” M. “Thought”, 1975
Mchedlov M.P. "Religion and modernity" M. Publishing house of political literature, 1982
Radugin A.A., Radugin K.A. “Sociology” M. “Center”, 1997
Tokarev S.A. Religion in the history of the peoples of the world. M., 1986
Eliade M. Space and history. M., 1987
Yablokova I.N. "Fundamentals of Religious Studies", 1994.
Today, a serious problem is the question of what is a Christian family and marriage. Now this concept is rather difficult to comprehend in parish life. I see so many young people who are confused about what they want to see in their family. In their heads, there are a lot of clichés of the relationship between a boy and a girl, which they are guided by.
It is very difficult for modern young people to find each other and start a family. Everyone looks at each other at a distorted angle: some - having drawn their knowledge from Domostroy, others - from the TV program Dom-2. And everyone in their own way tries to match what they read or see, while refusing their own experience. The young people who make up the parish very often look around for a mate who might fit their idea of a family; how not to make a mistake - after all, an Orthodox family should be just such and such. This is a very big psychological problem.
The second thing that adds a degree to this psychological problem is the separation of concepts - what is the nature of the family, and what is its meaning and purpose. I recently read in a sermon that the purpose of a Christian family is to have children. But this is wrong and, unfortunately, has become an undiscussed cliché. After all, the Muslim, Buddhist, any other family has the same goal. Childbearing is the nature of the family, but not the goal. It is laid down by God in the relationship between husband and wife. When the Lord created Eve, He said that it was not good for man to be alone. And he did not mean only procreation.
First declaration of love
In the Bible we see the Christian image of love and marriage.
Here we meet the first declaration of love: Adam says to Eve: bone from my bones and flesh from flesh. Think about how great that sounds.
In the very rite of the wedding, at first it is said about helping each other, and then only the perception of the human race: “Holy God, who created a man from the ashes, and formed a wife from his rib, and combined with him an assistant corresponding to him, for it was Your Majesty’s pleasure, so that no man may be alone on earth." And therefore, having many children is also not a goal. If a family is given the following task: it is imperative to reproduce and reproduce, then a distortion of marriage may occur. Families are not rubber, people are not endless, everyone has their own resource. It is impossible to set such a colossal task for the Church to solve the demographic issues of the state. The Church has other tasks.
Any ideology that is introduced into the family, into the Church, is terribly destructive. She always narrows it down to some sectarian notions.
The family is a small church
Helping the family to become a small Church is our main task.
And in the modern world, the word about the family, as a small Church, should sound loud. The purpose of marriage is the embodiment of Christian love. This is a place where a person is truly present and to the end. And realizes himself as a Christian in his sacrificial relationship to each other. The fifth chapter of the Epistle of the Apostle Paul to the Ephesians, which is read at the Wedding, contains the image of the Christian family, which we focus on.
At o. Vladimir Vorobyov has a wonderful idea: the family has its origin on earth and has its eternal continuation in the Kingdom of Heaven. That's what a family is for. So that the two, having become a single being, transfer this unity to eternity. And the little Church and the Heavenly Church became one.
The family is an expression of the churchness that is anthropologically embedded in a person. It realizes the realization of the Church, laid down by God in man. Overcoming, building oneself in the image and likeness of God is a very serious spiritual ascetic path. We need to talk about this a lot and seriously with the parish, the young man with the girl, with each other.
And the reduction of the family to stereotypes must be destroyed. And I think that a large family is good. But to each according to his strength. And it should not be carried out either by spiritual leadership or by some conciliar decisions. Childbearing is exclusively the fulfillment of Love. Children, marital relationships - this is what fills the family with love and fills it up as a kind of impoverishment.
Marriage is a relationship of love and freedom
When we talk about intimate relationships in the family, many difficult questions arise. The monastic rule, according to which our Church lives, does not presuppose discussion on this subject. Nevertheless, this question exists, and we can't get away from it.
The implementation of marital relations is a matter of personal and internal freedom of each spouse.
It would be strange, due to the fact that spouses receive communion during the rite of the Wedding, to deprive them of their wedding night. And some priests say that spouses should not take communion on this day, because they will have a wedding night. And what about those spouses who pray for the conception of a child: so that he is conceived with God's blessing, they also should not receive communion? Why is the question raised about the acceptance of the Holy Mysteries of Christ - God Incarnate - into our human nature with some filth in relationships sanctified by the Wedding? After all, it is written: the bed is not bad? When the Lord visited the marriage in Canna of Galilee, He, on the contrary, added wine.
Here the question arises of consciousness, which reduces all relations to some kind of animal relation.
Marriage is crowned and considered undefiled! The same John Chrysostom, who said that monasticism is higher than marriage, also says that the spouses remain chaste even after they rise from the marital bed. But this is the case if they have an honest marriage, if they cherish it.
Therefore marital relations are relations of human love and freedom. But it also happens, and other priests can confirm this, that any excessive asceticism can be the cause of marital quarrels and even the breakdown of marriage.
love in marriage
People get married not because they are animals, but because they love each other. But not much has been said about love in marriage in the entire history of Christianity. Even in fiction, the problem of love in marriage is first raised only in the 19th century. It has never been discussed in any theological treatises. Even seminar textbooks do not say anywhere that people who create a family must love each other without fail.
Love is the basis for creating a family. This is what every parish priest should rejoice about. So that people who are going to get married set themselves the goal of truly loving, preserving and multiplying, making it that Royal Love that leads a person to Salvation. There can be nothing else in marriage. This is not just a household structure, where a woman is a reproductive element, and a man earns his bread and has some free time to have fun. Even though this is what happens most of the time.
The Church Should Protect Marriage
And only the Church is now still able to say how to create and maintain a family. There are a lot of enterprises that make it possible to enter into and dissolve a marriage, and talk about it.
Previously, the Church was indeed the body that took upon itself the responsibility of legal marriage and at the same time carried out the blessing of the Church. And now the concept of legal marriage is more and more blurred. Ultimately, legal marriage will be eroded to the last limit. Many people do not understand how a legal marriage differs from a civil one. Some priests also confuse these concepts. People do not understand the meaning of marriage in state institutions and say that it is better to get married in order to stand before God, but in the registry office - what? In general, you can understand them. If they love each other, then they do not need a certificate, some kind of formal evidence of love.
On the other hand, the Church has the right to enter into only those marriages that are concluded in the registry office, and this is where the strange thing turns out. As a result, some priests say strange words: “You sign, live a little, - a year. If you don’t get divorced, then come get married.” Lord have mercy! And if they get divorced, that there was no marriage? That is, such marriages, as it were, are not considered, as if they did not exist, and those that the Church married are for life ...
It is impossible to live with such consciousness. If we accept such a consciousness, then any church marriage will also fall apart - after all, there are reasons for dissolving a church marriage. If we treat state marriage in such a way that it is such a “bastard”, then the number of divorces will only increase. Married and unmarried marriages have the same nature, the consequences of divorce are the same everywhere. When the strange idea that it is possible to live until the wedding is allowed, what will our marriage be like? What then do we mean by indissolubility, by “two, one flesh”? What God put together, man does not separate. After all, God unites people not only through the Church. People who meet each other on earth - really, deeply - they still fulfill the God-given nature of marriage.
Only outside the Church do they not receive that grace-filled power that transforms their love. Marriage receives grace-filled power not only because it is crowned in the Church by a priest, but also because people partake of communion together, live a single church life together.
Many behind the wedding ceremony do not see the essence of marriage. Marriage is a union created by God in Paradise. This is the mystery of paradise, paradise life, the mystery of the very nature of man.
Here there is a huge confusion and psychological obstacles for people who are looking for a bride or groom in Orthodox youth clubs, because if only the Orthodox with the Orthodox, otherwise it is impossible.
Preparing for marriage
The church needs to prepare for marriage even those people who do not come from within the church community. Those who could now come to the Church through marriage. Now a huge number of unchurched people want a real family, a real marriage. And they know that the registry office will not give anything, that the truth is given in the Church.
And here they are told: get a certificate, pay, come to 12 on Sunday. Chorus for a fee, chandelier for a separate fee.
Before the wedding, people must go through a serious preparatory period - and prepare for several months at least. This must be absolutely clear. It would be nice to make a decision at the Synodal level: since the Church is responsible for the indissolubility of marriage, it allows it only between those who regularly came to the Temple for six months, confessed and took communion, listened to the conversations of the priest.
At the same time, civil registration in this sense recedes into the background, because under modern conditions it makes it possible to secure some kind of property rights. But the Church is not responsible for this. She must observe the very clear conditions on the basis of which such a Sacrament is performed.
Otherwise, of course, these problems with debunked marriages will only grow.
Answers on questions
When a person understands that he is personally responsible for every thought, every word, for every deed, then a real life begins for a person.
– What are you doing in the ward to restore the value of marriage?
Marriage is the value of the Church itself. The task of the priest is to help a person acquire these values. Today's young people are often confused about what is the essence of marriage.
When a person begins to live a church life, to partake of the Sacraments, everything immediately falls into place. Christ and we are with Him. Then everything will be correct, there are no special tricks, they should not be. When people try to invent some special tricks, it becomes very dangerous.
– What are the solutions to solve this problem? What advice would you give to young people?
– First, take your time, calm down. Trust God. Most of the time people don't know how to do it.
Get rid of cliches and ideas that everything can be done in some special way, the so-called recipes for happiness. They exist in the minds of many Orthodox parishioners. Allegedly, in order to become this and that, you need to do this and that - go to the elder, for example, read forty akathists or take communion forty times in a row.
You need to understand that there are no recipes for happiness. There is personal responsibility for one's own life, and this is the most important thing. When a person understands that he is personally responsible for his every word, for his every step, for his deed, then, it seems to me, a real life will begin for a person.
And to give up the unnecessary: external, far-fetched, from what replaces the inner world of a person. The modern Christian church world is now strongly gravitating towards frozen forms of piety, without comprehending their usefulness and fruitfulness. It closes only on the form itself, and not on how correct and effective it is for the spiritual life of a person. And it is perceived only as a kind of model of relations.
And the Church is a living organism. All models are good only insofar as. There are only some direction vectors, and a person has to go himself. And you should not rely on an external form that supposedly will lead you to salvation.
Half
– Does every person have their own half?
– The Lord thus created man, removing a part from him for the creation of the second half. It is a Divine act that has made man incomplete without connection with another. Accordingly, a person is therefore looking for another. And it is replenished in the Mystery of Marriage. And this replenishment occurs either in family life or in monasticism.
– Are they born in halves? Or do they become halves after the wedding?
– I do not think that people are created in this way: as if there are two such people who need to find each other. And if they do not find each other, they will be inferior. It would be strange to think that there is only one and only one, which is sent to you by God, and all the rest should pass by. I don't think so. Human nature itself is such that it can be transformed, and relationships themselves can also be transformed.
People are looking for another precisely as a man and a woman, and not at all as two specific individuals that exist in the world. In this sense, a person has a lot of choices. All suitable and unsuitable for each other at the same time. On the one hand, human nature is distorted by sin, and on the other hand, human nature has such tremendous power that, by the grace of God, even from stones, the Lord creates children for himself.
Sometimes people grow hard to each other, suddenly become so indivisible, unity in God and with each other's efforts, with desire, with great work. And it happens that everything seems to be fine with people, but they do not want to deal with each other, save each other. Then the most ideal unity may fall apart.
– Some people are looking for and waiting for some inner signal that this is your person, and only after such a feeling they are ready to accept, to stay with the person whom God has placed in front of them.
– It is difficult to fully trust such a feeling, on the one hand. On the other hand, it is impossible not to trust him absolutely. This is a Secret, it will always remain a Secret for a person: the Secret of his mental anguish, heart anguish, his anxiety and his happiness, joy. No one has an answer to this question.
Prepared by Nadezhda Antonova
Probably, everyone, entering into marriage, hopes that he will live happily ever after with his soul mate, as they say in fairy tales. Why is it that often, even without a collision with terrible vices, alcoholism or drug addiction, without betrayals and betrayals, “the love boat breaks into everyday life”? Answers the questions of the magazine "Vinograd" priest Pavel Gumerov .
We solve all problems before the registry office
– As a priest, I have a conversation with the newlyweds before every wedding in our church. And I must admit that it can be difficult to guess in advance which marriage will be long and happy, and which will not last even six months. It depends on many reasons. Sometimes you can immediately tell by how many unresolved issues people have at the time of marriage, that in six months these two will take turns going to me to complain about each other and that their expectations were not met.
All your psychological, spiritual, material and other problems, including problems in relationships with your future spouse, if they initially exist, for example, if you are annoyed by the fact that he smokes, it is better to solve before the wedding. Because when people already live as a family, there is a high probability that problems will only accumulate and not be solved. The so-called “candy-bouquet period” is most suitable for establishing relationships. During the courtship of his future wife, a man behaves like a knight, makes gifts. In the same way, his lady tries to behave kindly, not to show her displeasure. People tend to please each other more, to meet halfway in controversial issues. If they already have irreconcilable disputes at this time, a difference in characters appears that they do not want to fight, this is a serious reason to think about whether they should join. It is an illusion to believe that after the wedding or after the wedding everything will suddenly magically change. If it does change, it will most likely be for the worse, because after a while after marriage, people get tired of constantly holding themselves back, and they show each other their true colors. Tolerance and indulgence towards each other after the honeymoon, too, as a rule, does not increase. You need to learn to endure, to humble yourself, to meet halfway long before the wedding. It would be good for those who are going to go to the crown to understand that the only purpose of marriage is love for your future soul mate, the desire to always be there. And if every meeting between the bride and groom ends in a quarrel, then you can imagine what will happen when they are face to face 24 hours a day.
As a rule, a lot of psychological and other problems in relationships arise in people who decide to get married at a fairly late age, for whom this is far from the first love experience, so it’s better to arrange your family life on time, up to thirty years. At this age, a person is more plastic, it is easier for him to get rid of selfish habits.
In general, when people are ready to meet each other halfway, they have every chance to create a happy family at any age. In this regard, there is no predestination, fortunately or unfortunately. - this is creativity, and joint. The Lord gives all people the same conditions, but someone will take advantage of them, and someone will not. It often happens that a couple is selected where he and she were brought up in complete families, both retained their virginity before marriage, it seems that they have every chance of creating a strong family too, and you see - they fled a year later, because often people do not know how to appreciate what they get without much difficulty.
A very important issue that young people should try to resolve among themselves before marriage is the issue of faith. If she is a church person, but he is not, then she needs to try first to bring him to God, and then go down the aisle with him.
Small Church
- There is the 72nd canon of the Sixth Ecumenical Council, which says: "It is not worthy for an Orthodox husband to copulate with a heretical wife, nor for an Orthodox wife to combine with a heretic husband." This rule may be relevant in our day, given that we may well classify atheists as heretics. In Russia, this rule has been observed since ancient times. Although under Peter I, when the number of foreigners in the country increased dramatically, they began to allow marriages with representatives of other Christian denominations, provided that the children from these marriages would be brought up in the Orthodox faith.
Why is the issue of unity of faith among spouses so important? For a believer, everything is obvious: my faith is what makes up the meaning of my life and a very large part of my soul. I build my life according to my faith. If my spouse or my spouse is indifferent to questions of spiritual life or are not Orthodox, how will we understand each other, how will we become one in marriage?
The problem of raising children is directly related to the attitude to faith. For example, a husband believes that a child should not be taken to church and receive communion, and a wife believes that it is not necessary to take him to a bowling club or swimming pool - this is the reason for a permanent conflict. There will be problems with general leisure. After all, those days when we, Orthodox, go to church, that is, days off, the spouses want to spend together. And if one half does not go to church (most often the husband), he will be annoyed that she spends her weekends in the temple, and not at home with her husband - jealousy will appear.
Therefore, if, for example, a man does not want to go to church before marriage, then I would not advise a churched girl to marry him until her chosen one begins to go to church at least a little. Another thing is when one of the spouses comes to faith, already being married. Such a marriage does not need to be dissolved, because, as he says: “How do you know, wife, will you save your husband? Or you, husband, why do you know if you can save your wife?” (Cor. 7:16) Is it worth it to influence an unbelieving spouse and how? Of course, this does not mean that you need to constantly pester your husband with talk about the church. It is better to start praying intensely for him, and there are many cases where such prayer has borne fruit. In addition, the very life of a woman, her behavior can testify more about Christ than her sermons. “Wives, obey your husbands,” says the apostle Peter, “so that those of them who do not obey the word may be won by the life of their wives without a word when they see your pure, God-fearing life” (1 Pet. 3, 1-2). No need to think that such a change in a husband can happen overnight. In support of my words, I can tell a story that happened even before the revolution. One Orthodox woman had a Protestant husband. They lived together for more than one year, and one day he tells her: "I want to become Orthodox." The wife was surprised, because she had never asked her husband for anything like that. Then he said to her: “I noticed that when you return from the church, you seem to glow all over, and then I realized that you have something there that we don’t have in churches.” If the wife goes to the temple, but the husband does not yet, she needs to do everything so that when she comes home from the service, the husband is surrounded by special care, attention and affection on her part. Then he will see the real fruits of our faith.
The common faith also helps spouses in resolving many contentious issues. It is easier for believers to understand and forgive each other. For believers in life, nothing happens by accident. If some kind of trouble happens, we need to try to understand why it is sent to us, and use it to improve our life in marriage. It happens that some kind of serious misfortune (illness of children, financial difficulties, loss of loved ones, family crises, etc.) literally builds a family anew - the spouses learn to love each other, behave correctly. If they are ready to change, then misfortune contributes to the improvement of their relationship, which turned into a habit.
Three whales of family happiness
- In one of my books, which is called "Three whales of family happiness", I'm just talking about three important components of a happy marriage. Firstly, this is the love of spouses for each other, secondly, this is a correct understanding of the goals and objectives of the family, and finally, this is the correct family hierarchy. Hierarchy in the family is a thing established by God, although today, due to the lack of strong men, many would argue with me. Nevertheless, it is like subordination in the army: if you do not accept it, you will not stay there for a long time. It is the same in the Church: hierarchy and subordination. The rector obeys the dean, the dean - the bishop, the bishop - the Patriarch. It is impossible to serve in the Church without respect for the authorities and obedience to them. And the family is a Small Church, let's not forget this.
Let you surpass your boss in intellectual, creative, moral qualities, but you must understand that this is your boss, who must be treated with respect simply because he is higher in position than you. The head of the family is not at all the one who surpasses you in some abilities. This is a man sent by God to be your boss. In addition, in marriage, you still choose it for yourself. But, having made your choice, already be kind, treat him like the head of the family. If you do not respect a man, constantly criticize him, then he will never make any decisions. And a woman herself only at first likes to command, and then it gets terribly annoying. In a normal family, the observance of a hierarchy serves to strengthen relationships. This allows a man to show some of his best masculine qualities, and a woman - feminine. In the family, everything should be hierarchical, as in the Church. A family can be compared to a parish, where the husband is a priest, the wife is a deacon, and the children are parishioners. Then the purpose of creating a family becomes obvious - it is the salvation of its members, its children.
The closest
- Are children the key to family happiness or its destroyers?
- can strongly unite a family, fill its life with new content, give new happiness. After all, a family is created, including for the sake of having children. It is love for children that should be the main motive for their birth, and not procreation, filling leisure or gaining the experience of motherhood. We often treat children not as beings given to you by God, but as our unrealized projects, arguing: I didn’t get something in childhood, let my children get it. But the first task of parents is to lead children to God, and not to realize their ambitions. And the Lord himself, through our prayer, will help the children to discover in themselves what is inherent in them, and this may not be music or drawing at all, which we are trying to instill in the child. Yes, you need to comprehensively develop children, but always look at what talents and inclinations God has put in them.
In order to raise a child in the faith, in order to instill Christian values in him, a family is needed. Especially now, when the state is practically not involved in the upbringing of children, in contrast to the Soviet era, when there were still some moral principles and educational programs in schools.
But children can also become a stumbling block for a family. Such a situation, for example, is well described by Tolstoy in The Kreutzer Sonata. There, a husband and wife, already on the verge of divorce, manipulate the children, using them to annoy each other as much as possible. When spouses turn children against each other, they thereby destroy their children, laying in them the wrong things, which then remain with them for life.
It happens that the birth of a child, if one of the parties is not ready for this, becomes an unconscious cause of jealousy. And the reason is not in the child, but in the wrong relationship between a man and a woman in this marriage.
So that children do not become a cause for contention, it is necessary to educate them in love and faith. If we want to always maintain good contact with the child, especially at a transitional age, we must include the child in our lives so that he does something with us. It is important that family life is not limited to moralizing and nutrition alone. Instead of constantly pressuring the child with criticism that he listens to the wrong music, watches the wrong films, you need to spend more time with him, involve him in some common affairs. As a rule, children leave the family and seek understanding among their peers only when they feel that their parents are not interested in them.
We live for joy
- No matter how hard it is in life, it is always important to remember that you created a family for joy, happiness, love, and not to find out who is right, who is wrong, who owes what to whom or how best to earn money. All this is secondary. The main thing is love, your relationship. It is necessary to protect them and protect each other from mutual insults, reproaches, hostility. After all, it is with daily barbs, discontent, claims that major conflicts and quarrels begin. When it's hard, always remember how good it was at the beginning. After all, when creating a family, people want the happiness of their period of falling in love and courtship to always remain.
Marriage is a bad way out of the crisis!
Family is not the solution to your problems. You can't start a family because you feel bad. Many get married to overcome loneliness, material support and - are disappointed when they do not get what they expect. The motive for creating a family should be love for your soul mate, the desire to be together. And the meaning of family life should be serving one's neighbor, striving to make another happy. Life is a complicated thing, and we must bring more joy to the family: good, pleasant words, deeds, smiles, small signs of attention.
Talk to me...
Many families break down due to lack of communication. People spend very little time with each other, discuss their affairs very little. And as a result, after some time, there is nothing in common between them, except for living space, children, and property. In communication, it is very important to discuss some pressing problems, to consult. Even in "Domostroy" it is said that the spouse should consult with his wife. Without this, your best intentions will bring you and your neighbors nothing but grief. For example, you decided to buy a vacation ticket without discussing it with your wife, but it turns out that she should not be under the tropical sun. But you have already decided everything for everyone, and instead of a surprise, a disservice came out. Family is WE. Not me, you kids. And we are all together. Therefore, one should always discuss, consult, look for something in common. When necessary, compromise. Since the family is a single whole, one team, you need to be able to provide assistance and mutual assistance.
Mutual help also consists in prayer - "pray for one another ..." (James 5:16) - says the apostle James.
There are no ideal husbands and wives!
Never idealize family life. In any person and in any family there are always good sides and serious shortcomings. It is important to be able to see this good and try not to notice the bad. Do not try to remake, re-educate your soul mate. To be able to see the good, bright sides of your loved ones and your family life. If you want to change your family life for the better, you need to start with yourself. To influence another person in a positive direction is possible only with love and a good attitude. Do we want our loved ones to treat us well, respect us, listen to our words? Let us ourselves be the first to give them an example of such an attitude.
The family is a continuous creativity, family happiness is not given to anyone for free. We need to work hard and constantly on it - together.